Muflis akhirat ~

Bismillah..

Masih bernafas di bulan syawal. Allah beri kesempatan terus beramal di bulan kemenangan.. insyaAllah setiap detik kurniaanNya, diisi dengan manfaat akhirat..

Bila berkumpul sesama saudara, sahabat handai, macam- macam karenah kita nampak.. yang cantik, alhamdulillah..jadikan ikutan.Tapi yang kurang indah dipandangan, jadikan teladan dan peringatan..

Saya lihat, mainan lidah memang merisaukan. Mengumpat, menghina, mencaci.. lembutnya lidah, tapi tajamnya jangan dipandang remeh. Kerana lidah juga, mampu merosakkan amal baik kita selama ini..

Sabda Rasulullah SAW :
"Siapa yang muflis? Mereka yang muflis itu bukanlah yang tidak memiliki harta atau tempat tinggal. Sesungguhnya mereka yang muflis itu adalah orang yang tidak menunaikan hak orang lain, seperti mencaci dan merampas harta tanpa hak, memukul tanpa sebab dan sebagainya."
-Riwayat Muslim.

Nauzubillah.. sebenarnya, golongan yang muflis di akhirat asalnya banyak pahalanya. Banyak amalnya. Tapi dalam masa yang sama, dia buat kejahatan terhadap manusia yang lain.. menzalimi mereka, tidak menunaikan hak mereka, mengumpat memfitnah mereka..

Di akhirat nanti, tidak ada lagi wang ringgit jadi tebusan. Pahala kita diambil menggantikan kejahatan terhadap hambaNya yang lain, kalau pahala itu tidak memadai, kejahatan orang itu akan diletakkan ke atas kita. Cantik kan balasan Allah? Adil, saksama. Tidak ada cacat celanya.

Di sini, dosa yang paling banyak melibatkan hak orang lain, adalah lidah. Dosa lidah boleh menyebabkan orang yang kaya amalan baiknya, jadi miskin papa di akhirat kelak. Merayu belas kasihan orang lain nanti, sudah cukup terlambat. Balasan akhirat yang perit menanti..

Apabila kita manabur fitnah, mangadu domba, mengumpat, mainan dosa lidah ini wajib ditebus dengan orang yang terlibat.. minta maaf, mohon redhanya. Kalau tidak sempat akibat dijemput malaikat maut, maka pahala di akhirat nanti jadi tebusan. Rugi, teramat rugi.

Dunia semakin tua. Tanda- tanda akhir zaman semakin banyak dan jelas. Kenapa masih lalai dibuai mainan dunia? Sedangkan akhirat bakal menjemput tidak lama lagi. Wallahualam. Dia Yang Maha Mengetahui apa di hadapan kita.

Imam al Ghazali pernah berkata, "dari lidah akan berlakulah pendustaan atau pembohongan, buruk sangka, permusuhan, fitnah, mencarut, mencela, mengutuk, bertelingkah, mengumpat, melaknat, dan membicarakan sesuatu dengan cara yang kesat, kasar dan penuh dengan kesombongan."

Astaghfirullah. Diri sendiri banyak melakukan dosa lidah. Sedar atau tidak, sengaja atau tidak, memang bertimbun dosa yang sedia ada. Apatah lagi mahu menebus dosa terhadap orang lain. Ya Allah, layakkah aku mencium bau syurgaMu? Ampuni hambaMu yang hina ini Ya Rabb..

Banyak cakap, banyaklah celanya. Sebab itu kita disaran berdiam diri, jikalau tidak ada perkataan yang baik mahu diperkatakan. Diam itu lebih baik..

Minta Allah pelihara kita semua. Bila- bila masa ajal boleh menjemput. Ingatlah, tidak ada dalam al quran menyebut orang muda takkan mati.. Taubat, kembali ke jalan Nya. Allah sayang.. selagi berkesempatan, bersihkan hati dan jasad dari noda mainan dunia. Ingat akhirat. Ingat mati.

Jom sama- sama perbaiki diri.. Bismillah..

Different pathway~

I do had a second thought. Not once, but many times. I told myself that life ain't as fair as it should be.

Life is hard. Tough. Only those who is strong enough can survive. I've been through a lot. Too much, non stop. And to be honest, this isn't the kind of life I've dreamed of.

I wanted it to be simpler, easier, and clearer. Get my medical grades, get a job, work my ass off to the best, find my true love, get married, and focus on being a good wife and mom, and a great doctor. Ease enough.

But Allah had granted me a far much different pathway. Completely different. Too much painful and tiresome obstacles. Why me? Maybe I'm one of those strong candidates that seem stronger enough to break the hardest wall. But to be honest, I am not strong. I'm weak, fragile. Easily gave up.

But who am I to questioned Allah's plan? For sure He knew what's best for me. Maybe this is the moment, where I need to bounce myself back up after the hardest fall. All I need to do is just turn myself into the right material. To bounce higher then other's expectations.

I need to be stronger. I need to practice bigger patience. And most important, I need to stop comparing my life with others. Seeing their perfectly happy life, makes me hate my life even more. Regrets and questions. Too much and adding an extra burden over my chest. Maybe, they already had those painful and hard moment in their life. And they've got through it successfully. So now it's their time to savour the sweetness of their life.

My time will come. I strongly believed it will. Sooner. Just be stronger, patient, and have faith. Allah always watching. Just have faith. Life might seem not fair enough, but who know this path was made to create a better version of me. I hope.

Heart, keep calm. Just move on. I chose to stay on this road, this pathway. I do saw some other better options, but I choose to stay here. I believe, it will bring me to a better life forward. All I need to do is just keep moving forward, no more turning back, no more regrets and hesitation. Just move on.

Don't underestimate others life. Everyone had their toughest moment. The difference is, how they able to get through it.

Life is hard. I know..

Bahana maksiat~

Ramai yang memandang remeh. Tidak peduli. Sudah lali dengan perbuatan maksiat, bahang api neraka jahannam tidak lagi diendah.

Hakikat kebanyakan hamba masa kini. Terkejut. Tidak menyangka dunia semakin tenggelam dengan maksiat. Usah dipersoalkan maksiat tersembunyi, yang zahir tidak kurang banyaknya. Jangan diukur pemakaian, apatah lagi peribadi keluarga. Bukan menuding jari pada yang khusus, tapi hakikat yang bertudung, labuh pun tidak terkecuali, pendidikan sekolah agama tidak ketinggalan, keluarga terkenal dengan islamiknya. Namun menyedihkan, masih tunduk dengan bahana nafsu syaitan. Nauzubillah.

Usia semakin meningkat. Dunia baru bakal diterokai. Semakin banyak pembuka mata dan hati. Perkara yang tidak dijangka rupanya kenyataan dunia sebenar. Anak- anak muda berkeliaran mengumpul dosa.

Rosak akidah, musnah masa depan, khusus buat kaum hawa. Mahkota yang cantik, musnah begitu sahaja. Andai silap sekali, lalu hati mencari taubat, alhamdulillah. Namun, apa yang aku lihat, dunia semakin teruk. Gadis dengan mudah munyerah diri dengan ramai lelaki. Bila sampai saat mahu merasa nikmat pernikahan, tanpa belas kasihan si lelaki buang di tepi jalan. Salahkan siapa kalau bukan tuan empunya badan? Jangan digelar lelaki itu kejam, andai silam si gadis penuh dengan dosa maksiat. Redha, tawakkal, kembali ke jalan Nya. Itu yang terbaik. Itu hanya sedikit tempias hukuman dunia Allah turunkan. Andai taubat belum lagi dicari, nauzubillah, api menjulang di alam akan datang masih menanti. Taubatlah.

Kasihan mereka yang sudah terlanjur menyerah maruah diri. Doakan mereka. InsyaAllah, hidayah milik mereka yang mencari. Bagi yang masih megah memegang mahkota sendiri, bersyukurlah. Allah pelihara. Jaga hati, mata, lidah, anggota. Peliharalah kehormatan diri, sehingga bertemu dengan yang sah disisi. :)

Alhamdulillah ~ ^-^

Terangi hati dengan maaf~

Andainya dosa dan pahala itu boleh dizahirkan, astaghfirullah, tiada siapa yang akan keluar dari tempat perlindungannya.. sungguh setiap kita pasti tidak lari dari dosa. Itu lumrah kita sebagai hambaNya. Kerdil, hina, mudah alpa dan lalai.

Kenapa perlu memandang sinis insan lain? Mungkin hakikat perbuatan dosanya sudah terzahir tanpa niat.. jangan ukur peribadinya. Jangan hina. Doakan. Mana tahu petunjuk dan hidayah Allah sampai kepadanya lebih dulu dari kita.. Sungguh hidayah itu Allah hadiahkan buat hamba yang Dia inginkan.. bertuah hamba itu.

Tradisi masyarakat kita, dia salah, dia dipulaukan, dia dihina terang- terangan. Sedangkan nabi ampunkan umatnya, siapalah kita di sisi Nya mahu menghukum hambaNya?

Alhamdulillah.. berkat dugaan dan ujian dari Yang Maha Penyayang, aku belajar memberi ruang untuk memaafkan dalam hati. Hati kita umpama rumah rekaan sendiri. Setiap bilik ada ruang perasaan dan nafsu masing- masing.. mungkin bilik- bilik ini sudah dipenuhi dengan nafsu marah dan benci, tapi yakinlah, yakinlah, pasti ada satu ruang kecil, ruang tertutup di penjuru rumah itu.. lama terkunci menunggu kita membukanya. Bukalah ruang itu. Biarkan cahayanya menerangi gelap ruang bilik yang lain..

Aku sudah terangi rumahku dengan cahaya maaf. Dengan itu hati sudah cukup kecapi ketenangan dari Ilahi. Alhamdulillah. .

Sayangnya Allah pada kita. Timbunan dosa, diberi peluang untuk berubah. Aku yakin, andai kata niat hamba itu kerana Allah, iAllah, hidayah miliknya.. :)

Setiap hamba ada kisah gelapnya. Jangan jadikan itu sebagai ukuran peribadinya yang sekarang. Andai dia mahu berubah, doakan. Bantu. Jangan abaikan. Jikalau tidak mahu membantu, jangan ganggu. Jangan tambah kusut hati si hamba.. biarlah dia kecapi nikmat imannya. Jangan dihalang.. doakan..

Sayangi setiap orang kerana siapa dia sekarang. Bukan siapa dia sebelum ini. Itu kejam dan tidak adil.. siapalah kita mahu menghina.. maafkan. Terima. Bantu..

Syukur. Ini yang aku pelajari. Aku tenang. Aku dapat membuka minda dan kalbuku untuk mengejar bahagia dunia dan akhiratku..

Alhamdulillah..^^

Pembuka jalan~

Jangan kata Allah tidak bantu.. Jangan kata Allah tidak peduli.. Jangan pernah sekali terlintas putus harapan dari Yang Maha Pencipta..

Ujian turun pelbagai rupa dan cara. Setiap kita tidak lari dari dugaan Ilahi. Itu cara Dia mendekatkan kita ke tempat asal kita. Itu cara Dia mengingatkan kita asal usul kita. Di situlah jalan menuju nikmat iman..

Jangan menangis. Jangan bersedih. Ujian tanda Allah sayang.. Kalau senang tidak putus dihadiahkan, mungkin musuh yang direjam mengambil kesempatan merasuk jiwa untuk lupa dan alpa dengan dunia. Ujian membuka mata dan hati kita, supaya kita tahu perit, kita rasa sakit, kita merintih memohon kasih yang hakiki, dekatlah kita dengan yang di atas.

Allah sayang hambaNya. Jangan putus asa. Jangan putus harapan. Allah sentiasa ada untuk hambaNya. Menangislah kerana Dia, mengadulah dengan Yang Maha Mendengar.. Kasih Allah tidak akan putus. Terutama buat hambaNya yang redha dan berpegang teguh dengan qada dan qadar Nya.

Doakan saudara yang sedang merintih menangis dengan ujian berat mereka. Doakan agar diringankan dan dirahmati. Doakan. Ujian mereka mungkin lebih besar dari kita. Kerana itu mereka lebih kenal erti dekat dengan Allah. Kerana mereka merasa nikmat kasihNya.

Belajarlah isi hati dengan yang baik dan bersih. Hati kita sangat kecil. Jangan diberi peluang untuk syaitanirrajim menghuninya. Setiap kita, pasti ada dakwat hitam perosak hati. Tapi yakinlah, di satu sudut, pasti ada cahaya, biarlah sebesar zarah, cahaya itu pasti ada. Yang mampu menyemarakkan nur itu, tidak lain hanya diri kita. Jangan anggap Allah murka, maka kita tidak dipeduli lagi. Setiap kejadian ada jalannya. Setiap kepahitan ada manis menunggu. Setiap kegelapan ada cahaya di hujungnya.

Mulakan dengan niat. Lillahitaala. Dia Maha Berkuasa. Tajdidkan niat mahu berubah. Tajdidkan niat untuk tetap iman dalam islam. InsyaAllah perlahan- lahan nur itu akan menutup noktah- noktah hitam dalam hati.. dan yakinlah, insyaAllah, satu hari, andai malaikat Izrail belum menjemput, insyaAllah, hati itu akan penuh dengan nur Nya.. amin Ya Allah..

Rintihan pencinta dunia~

Bersyukur atas kasih Yang Maha Esa. Masih diberi kesempatan menikmati bulan mulia, penuh barakah.. Alhamdulillah..

Ramadhan, bulan di mana kita berusaha mengumpul sebanyaknya amalan untuk bekalan akhirat nanti. Syaitan dirantai. Hanya nafsu penggolak iman sendiri.

Kadang- kadang, diri ini rasa selamat tanpa kehadiran makhluk yang direjam. Sedang hakikatnya, nafsu yang sudah lama dididik untuk tunduk dengan dosa, masih boleh menggugat iman di bulan mulia ini.

Ramadhan kali ini, berat hati. Sesak jiwa. Sungguh Allah menguji kesabaran hambaNya ini dengan penangan kesedihan, kesakitan yang tidak berhenti. Allahuakbar. Kasihani hambaMu ini Ya Rabb. Aku tahu turunnya ujian Mu itu kepada hambaMu yang mampu memikulnya. Aku mampu, dengan izinMu. Tapi, bantu aku Ya Allah.. kadang- kadang jasad yang lemah ini tersasar dari arah yang sepatutnya..

Bersedih.. menangis.. itu lumrah kita sebagai hamba. Semua itu nafsu manusia biasa. Mengalirnya air mata tanda hati kita merintih memohon simpati. Menangis mengasihani nasib diri. Menangis itu boleh membawa kita semakin dekat kepada Yang Maha Pengasih.

Tapi, ampuni aku Ya Allah.. aku semakin jauh dari Mu..

Ujian yang Engkau turunkan kali ini, mencabar imanku. Aku lemah, menangisi nasibku. Aku menyalahkan hambaMu yang lain. Aku marah tanpa sebab jelas. Aku putus asa dari memohon maghfirahMu. Aku terus rosakkan hati aku dengan amarah, benci. Sepanjang hari, biarpun berlapar dahaga, hati aku kenyang dengan sifat mazmumah yang Engkau larang. Ampuni aku Ya Allah.. aku semakin jauh dariMu..

Kenapa perlu ditangisi hal dunia yang sementara? Menangis kerana gagal peperiksaan. Menangis kerana putus ikatan kasih. Menangis kerana kehilangan orang tersayang.. wajarkah kita menangis kerana dunia yang besar di mata kita, sedangkan kecil di sisi Allah azzawajalla?

Menurut Allah, dunia lebih tidak berharga dari sayap seekor nyamuk. Inilah timbangan sebenar hal dunia di sisi Nya. Jadi atas alasan apa kita bersedih, gelisah kerana dunia semata- mata?  Astaghfirullah..

Aku semakin jauh dariNya. Aku lalai mencintai dunia sedang akhirat yang kekal selamanya. Ya Allah, aku malu. Kerdil hinanya aku. Aku rindu cahaya Mu Ya Allah.. hilangkanlah gundah di hati ini dengan kasih Mu.. aku rindu ketenangan kurniaanMu.. Aku malu meminta- minta dengan gelumang dosa ku ini..

Terima kasih Ya Allah.. belaian kasihMu menyedarkan aku. Aku menangis kerana ingin dekat kembali padaMu. Aku merindui ketenangan yang pernah Engkau hadiahkan untukku. Aku ingin kembali ke jalan itu. Tetapkan hatiku Ya Allah.. Biarlah kebangkitan hari ini kekal dalam jiwaku, agar aku tidak terus sesat ke jalan yg yang jauh dariMu.. kuatkan imanku Ya Allah..

Aku mahu berubah. Itu permulaan perjalananku kali ini. Aku mahu cinta aku hanya pada Yang Maha Pencipta. Jauhi aku dari cinta duniawi Ya Rabb. Pelihara hati ini dari nafsu dunia semata..

Tenanglah wahai jiwa yang kusut. Allah ada. Allah ada..

*doakan aku.. bantu aku kembali ke tujuan asal aku dilahirkan di dunia ini..

;'(

Acceptance ~

I remember of having a killing desire of  being more stylish and elegant. Putting it into one simple sentence, I wanted to fit it.

Each kids had this kind of desire. Well I might be a little bit late of outgrowing it since I don't really have this self conscious mind during my school days. It had only come when I started to live in a new places, meeting new people, and discovered the addiction of holding the center of attention title.

I' ve tried a lot of changes. A lot. It's fun for a while. Until then I just realized, that's not who I am. It's tiresome, bothersome, trying hard to fit in beside the fact that you don't really felt the pure comfort of being it. I've tried a lot of different shoes and none of them makes me feel genuine at all.

When I started to be myself, I feel free and honest. Accepting who we are, our flows and all, given us a chance to be more open to every part of ourselves. At the same time, we'll be able to see what serve us and what's not. Whilst you will realize that at some point, this true self is the one that helped us grow and survive.

Now I'm setting my own boundaries. Like a home within me. Where I feel secured and comfortable. I wanted to fit in my own home, not other's.

With more understanding and acceptance to ourselves, come compassion. I can be a better friend, and attracting more compassionate people in return.

You know when you hear the saying, 'You can't love anyone until you love yourself' ? Well indeed, that's true. ♥♥

Those valuable challenges~

Most of us grown up with the fantasies of fairytales. Cinderella, snow white, sleeping beauty, repunzel and etc. And that's the way we look this life is. Everything we do, we will put on high expectation of grabbing the  'happily ever after'  version of ending. We all did.

But life doesn't turned out to be that way. As an adult version of me, I learned to except the pain and bitterness in life. I dare myself to opened up with bigger and wider challenges in order to see the ugly side of me. Living full of cover up isn't as beautiful as I wished it to be. Limiting a lot of actions does limiting my joy of experiencing my real life.

Years of swimming through those hard rivers. I wanted to be perfect. And so I muscled up my way to reach an excellent achievement in study, and buckled up my tired body to find a perfect relationship. For me, this is the real satisfaction in life.

But it was all crap. Big old crap that trapped inside the perfectionist me.

I passed the episode of hitting the bottom of excellency. I failed. I lost. I cried and almost lose it all.

I had those painful broke up. And that's the toughest moment ever. I just closed my heart and let it dies slowly inside.

But you know what? This bunches of painful tears and unheard screams are the things that opened myself up. It let me digged out all the ugliness inside me. The side that I tried hard to cover up all these years. Anger, sadness, low self esteem, insecure. All if it.

Now I'm a woman who daresay that I already had those painful moments. And I passed. And I'm proudly said I am stronger, even created the better version of me. I told myself, I'll just follow the flow. The hard flow of the river, to see the other side that surely will be far more amazing than now. And yes. I feel better and fabulous.

Here to say, open yourself up for more challenges. Ready to take those scary but excited journey. The harder it seems, the more rewards will come. As the easy path usually comes with an easy rewards. Move your ass up and ride the longest roaller coaster. Feel the excitement of rolling yourself up and down the railway. You will feel awesome and yet, you will ask for more!

♥♥

25th years old me~

Alhamdulillah..

25 years old me! Yes, not a teen anymore. An adult, who is approaching her work field sooner! Yey! A doctor? Really? Am I worth it? Will try my best to be the best I can.. Allah had granted me such an honour to help my dearest muslim and muslimah fellows, and I promised to strive hard to do it. IAllah, may Allah help me.. :)

This year, more and more blesses I got from Him.. a big thankful towards Allah.. felt small and undeserved, Allah showed His love by continuously blessing me with happiness.. Syukur..

I'm happy with my loving family, who always makes me feel better, makes me laugh and smile.. always pick me up whenever I fall.. Friends whom always be there whenever I need them, when I cried they came even I didn't ask them to, shared my tears of happiness, who motivate me to be the best like I am today..

And thank you Allah for letting me meet a man that always makes me smile, laugh, comfortable, warmth.. a man that always remind me to feel worth and to love myself.. the one who reminded me to be a humble and better muslimah.. a man that thaught me about pure love and understanding.. dear Fauzi, thanks for all your patience and love.. <3

I had a lot in mind. Expectations and hopes in this new years of mine. Thank you for all your heartwarming wishes through sms, twitter, facebook, wechat, line, and etc.. hehe.. may Allah always be with you girls and guys..

Let us all strive to be better year by year. Towards Jannah iAllah amin.. ^^

P.S. I made ayam percik for my special day.. cakes? On the making! Cupcakes chocolate cheese! Yummeh!

The dark side~

Treating myself kindly wasn't really my thing. For me, you need to be excellent in everything you do in order to be happy and reach satisfaction.

Is it true? Does everything really need to be perfect? Scored 100% and poof! You are perfect and happy.. does it?

Grown up as a better child used to be my thing. Follow the rules, don't spoiled your mouth with bad words, respect elderly and bla bla bla. For me, my parents would be so happy to have a better child that won't give them so much trouble.

Until I managed to further my study in Egypt. Medicine, which wasn't really my passion. There, I feel like hitting hard the bottom of the rock. Getting involved with those smarter, wiser mates, suddenly my life filled with fears and insecurity. Now I don't feel special anymore. Realized that I am not that smart, I treat myself harshly. I studied more and more. Aiming to be the best again. And if I can't make it, I' ll push myself even harder. And seriously, that was exhausting. Really. It does.

2 years of life full of uncertainty. I made it, but no more excellency. I felt useless and hopeless. Like it is the end. I distant myself from others, I continuously blamed myself. I cried without any obvious reason. There are times when I will just sit down flat on the floor, head filled with painful thoughts and sadness. I just feel worn out and tired.

See how harsh I have treated myself? Does that sound inspiring? Beautiful? Well I am sure it isn't. . But thinking about how hard my life back then, no more words I can say other than' thank you Allah.' Ever heard the saying, 'the more painful your hardwork did, the sweeter your victory become.'  And yes, now I see the world from a very different point of view. And it seems pretty and amazing.

Someday I will share my story about how I redeemed my lifeline. How I get back up after the fall. But now, I just wanted to share on how bad and ugly life is when you treat yourself harshly. Be nice to yourself. Just be nice..

Ucaplah alhamdulillah ~

Kadangkala diri sendiri boleh lupa. Bila lalai mengukur murahnya rezeki orang lain, terasa diri serba kekurangan. Lumrah nafsu manusia, sentiasa merasa tidak cukup..

Saat beginilah hati boleh terganggu akidah. Rasa bersyukur mula lenyap. Mula berani mempersoalkan rezeki yang diturunkan. Mula merasa tidak disayangi dan dipeduli. Menganggap yang di atas tidak adil membahagi. Nauzubillah..

Sedang Allah itu Maha Adil. Maha Mengetahui apa yang terbaik akan sesuatu itu untuk hambaNya.

Ingatlah. Setiap yang berlaku itu sentiasa berhikmah. Kita tidak mampu jadi semewah itu, segagah itu, seindah begitu. Kenapa? Pasti semua itu sebenarnya boleh mengundang keburukan ke atas kita. Tidak semestinya buruk pada zahir. Fokus keburukan pada bahagian utama dalam diri kita, iaitu hati. Riak, takbur.. sentiasa risau harta akan berkurangan.

Kaya tidak semestinya bahagia. Mungkin si miskin lebih teruja dengan hidupnya. Maklumlah, setiap rezeki yang ada, walaupun kecil di mata kita, tapi itulah cahaya yang memarakkan rasa bahagia dan syukur dalam hati mereka..

Jadilah insan yang bersyukur. Berhenti pertikaikan rezeki orang lain. Berhenti merungut tahap rezeki sendiri. Allah sayang hambaNya yang sabar. Allah Maha Merancang. Telah tertulis jalan kehidupan kita sejak azali lagi. Berhenti risau. Tenangkan jiwa dengan bersyukur dan teruskan berusaha. Lahirkan rasa gembira bila melihat nikmat insan lain. Berdoa jika inginkan rezeki serupa, dan jangan abaikan nilai usaha.

Mulakan dengan menilai setiap nikmat yang kita ada. Dari yang kecil hingga yang besar. Lihat orang yang di bawah dari kita. InsyaAllah tenang jiwa raga..

Sungguh, ketenangan itu adalah kemuncak kehambaan terhadap Allah SWT dalam hati manusia..

Alhamdulillah Ya Allah.. Aku bersyukur atas rezeki dan kasih sayang yang Engkau kurniakan untukku dan keluargaku. RedhaMu yang aku perlukan. Golongkanlah aku dan keluargaku di kalangan hambaMu yang diredhai dan dikasihi. Amin Ya Allah..

PS: diri ini pun berimpian dan berkeinginan.insyaAllah akan berusaha semampunya.. ;)

Gagal~

Sakitnya menghadapi kegagalan. Itu lumrah kita sebagai hambaNya yang kaya dengan kelemahan dan dosa.

Jeritlah sejuat hati, nangislah sepuasnya. Andai itu mampu mengurangkan duka di hati. Tapi bangunlah dengan segar keesokkan harinya. Mulakan yang baru. Airmata dan ratapan tidak akan mengubah apa- apa. Biarpun berabad kekecewaan dizahirkan, tidak akan ada perubahan tanpa kebangkitan dari diri sendiri.

Ingatlah, gagal itu adalah guru. Hadir tanpa diundang tetapi cukup mendalam ajaran yang diberikan. Gagal itulah yang meningkatkan tahap kekuatan minda. Gagallah yang menjadi titik permulaan untuk kejayaan yang akan datang. Manisnya kejayaan itu jika didahului dengan kepahitan kegagalan.

Bangunlah andai kita tersungkur. Jangan baring terkulai terlalu lama. Ambil kegagalan itu sebagai iktibar dan dorongan untuk terus maju ke hadapan.

Istighfar dan mulakan dengan bismillah. Kuatkan iman masing- masing di dada. Tanya iman kita terhadap qada dan qadar. Sungguh setiap kejadian itu, sudah tertulis di luh mahfuz. Dan setiapnya tersirat hikmah yang Allah hadiahkan untuk hambaNya yang bersabar.. Bersyukurlah. Allah uji kerana sayang.. ;)

Hasad~

Hasad dengki.. Hurmm… Penyakit hati berbahaya.. Awas diri, dan anda di luar, jangan biarkan penyakit ini menular melalui darah anda, merebak ke seluruh tubuh anda, terutamanya hati dan minda.. Nauzubillah.. J

Admitting. Memanglah tidak dapat dinafikan. Saya turut menghidap penyakit berbahaya ini.. Sometimes. Maybe almost all the time.. Setiap kali perasaan ini muncul, astaghfirullah.. Resah gelisah jiwa dibuatnya. Memang betul, orang yang hasad sentiasa dihambat keresahan.. Astaghfirullah.. Haihh

Adakah anda penderita penyakit ini seperti saya? How to detect it? Easy bitsy. Analisis respon anda bila melihat kejayaan orang lain.. Adakah anda tunjuk wajah girang gembira? What about your heart? Is it gundah gulana? Have you ever felt relieved when these succeeded people failed?? Well dear.. You need a doctor.. Nampaknya anda seperti saya, berpenyakit hati..hmmm

Jom sama-sama berubah.. Bukan mahu meninggi diri. Tapi syukur, since umur semakin meningkat, dan pengalaman yang banyak selepas duduk di Negara orang selama 6 tahun, I think I can handle this bad,really bad disease.. Ingat Allah, ingat kedudukan diri sebagai hambaNya.. Kita tidak layak, langsung tidak layak berperasaan sedemikian.. Nauzubillah.

Berhasad dengki, mengharapkan kejatuhan orang lain.. Itu maknanya menentang nikmat Allah. Itu berbaur riak dan takbur. Belajar bersyukur, selalu doakan kebaikan orang lain.. Tidak kira siapa, kawan atau lawan, kita sama-sama hamba. Doakan yang terbaik untuk mereka, insyaAllah, yang baik juga datang untuk kita.. Kan bagus hati bersih? Rasa tenang dan lapang.. J

Sabda Rasulullah SAW maksudnya: “Akan menjalar kepada kamu penyakit umat yang terdahulu, hasad dan saling benci membenci. Itu sebenarnya pencukur. Aku tidak menyatakan pencukur rambut, tetapi ia mencukur agama.” (Riwayat at-Tirmidzi)

Jom istighfar, jom sama-sama doa.. Be better in time. InsyaAllah peroleh ketenangan. Be nice to yourself and others..

Muhasabah hati~

Sungguh pantas masa berlalu.. Semakin menghampiri alam pekerjaan. Interview telah saya lalui dengan lancar, syukur Alhamdulillah..

Dan dalam masa terdekat, insyaAllah, panggilan induksi akan sampai.. Di mana, itu tidak pasti.. Tapi hati sangat mengharap agar dapat menjalani kursus induksi di tanah semenanjung. Kata orang, sambil menyelam, sambil minum air.. Hajat hati ingin bertemu dengan bakal keluarga di sana. J

Nasihat untuk diri sendiri.. Banyakkan membaca wahai diri.. Keputusan cemerlang di dunia universiti tidak menjamin kualiti kerja yang cemerlang. Hidup di dunia, tidak akan putus untuk menimba ilmu, meluaskan pengetahuan, mematangkan akal dan fikiran.. Setiap peringkat hidup, pasti ada ujian dan dugaan.. Dan untuk menghadapinya, ilmu di dada perlu diperkaya, terutama soal agama.. Sihat rohani, insyaAllah semua akan ditempuhi dengan tenang.. Amin Ya Allah..

Sebagai bakal doctor, profesion yang memang terkenal dengan cabaran fizikal dan mental, saya kena banyakkan muhasabah diri.. Kena belajar kendali stress dengan bijak. Be a humble person, said Fauzi... Banyakkan bertanya, belajar dari bawah.. Biar orang pandang kita tidak tahu, supaya mereka mahu mengajar kita.. Jangan berlagak tahu, tapi akhirnya kesilapan besar datang bertandang..

InsyaAllah, dengan berpegangkan iman dan cinta yang utama ke atas Allah SWT, dan Rasulullah SAW, saya akan kuatkan diri, luaran dan dalaman untuk menempuhi semua ujian yang diturunkan.. Semoga diri tergolong dalam orang yang redha dan tawakkal. Sentiasa ingatkan hati, saya ada Allah SWT, yang sentiasa memerhati, menjaga, dan menyayangi saya. Ikhlaskan diri membantu mereka yang memerlukan..

Moga dipermudah segalanya.. Jom sama-sama rajinkan diri membaca.. 

p/s: Alam pekerjaan semakin dekat, minta-minta alam perkahwinan pula dipermudah..Doakan..

Interview SPA~

Syukur alhamdulullah.. ;)

Hari ni, berakhir dengan lancarnya interview SPA saya..Overall,soalan medik memang tidak banyak.Kalau nasib lebih baik,memang tidak ada soalan medik langsung, lebih kepada bual ringan berkenaan plan masa depan, persiapan diri untuk masuk kerja, dsbg.

Debar berhari-hari sebelum interview memang kuat.Nampak perkongsian rakan medik yang sudah melalui proses interview,rasa seolah-olah akan kembali ke alam oral exam dekat U dulu..Stay up baca buku..Dalam kereta,bualan semestinya merangkumi dunia perubatan..:)

Secara ringkasnya,ini soalan yang saya dapat.

1. Kenapa pilih perubatan?
2. Puas hatikah dengan gaji yang kerajaan Malaysia peruntukkan? Yang ini saya jujur cakap kurang puas hati..Tidak sempat susun ayat yang lebih baik.Tapi interviewer cuma ketawa..hehe
3. Sanggup ka dihantar ke rural area untuk compulsary service nanti? Saya jawab, that's what I want,to be honest.Dia tanya,why? Saya jawab, "saya rasa duduk di tempat yang sama for a long time,minda kurang berkembang."...He said,"right,we must think outside the box."
4. Describe one word,yang doktor mesti ada untuk dihormati,disegani.
5. Then more about his experiences as an HO,nasihat dan teguran..

Syukur dipanjatkan..hehe.. Jujurnya,memang interview ni buka minda saya. Cuti bukan bermakna goyang kaki tengok tv. Buku wajib buka,baca. Siapkan minda dan mental yang kuat untuk HO nanti. Fizikal jangan diabaikan.. As a doctor,kesihatan kena jaga. Since lack of sleep and stress from work environment, immunity boleh terganggu, akibatnya cepat flu, migraine, depressed. Kualiti kerja? Ikut sekali merundum.. Nauzubillah.. Jagalah diri anda semua wahai bakal HO..

Lagi satu, banyakkan membaca.. Rajinkan diri anda semasa cuti. Orang pandai belajar dan orang bijak, itu dua perkara berbeza.. Apa guna A tersusun banyak atas sijil, kalau akhirnya kualiti kerja tidak kemana? So,wahai diri, kuatkan theory anda..

Lastly, interviewer ada pesan, berkhidmatlah untuk negeri sendiri, Sabah.. Since Sabah masih kritikal kekurangan tenaga doktor.. Sangat kurang. Hurmmm.. Saya pilih Hospital Teluk Intan as my first choice.. Yang lain, still hospital Perak, dengan alasan, bakal berkeluarga di sini.. Sambil tambah alasan bonus, mahu timba pengalaman di tempat orang.. In Shaa Allah dipermudahkan.. Wahai hospital KK, jangan pilih saya please..hehe

Okey.. Till then! Doakan.. ;)

Perfect woman~

Remember this legendary story? A young man, who's too tired and hungry, and ended up eaten an apple that flows along the river. He found the owner it, and finally the owner asked him to marry his daughter. And the young man says yes, even the the daughter is blind,have no hands,no legs,mute,and deaf. But when the young man met the girl, she's a beautiful girl, not as incapable as the father has described. Guess what? She's perfect. Here..

Blind: she haven't seen bad things and take a good care of her eyes from any vices.

No hands: she didn't use her hand to steal, or do anything bad with it.

No legs: never go to bad places.

Mute: never let any men hear her voice,as woman's voice can shake man's iman.

Deaf: she preserved her ear from any vices or bad words.

She's perfect. In term of Islam, she is perfect. A daughter who stays home, doing things a daughter should. Helping her father, avoid from any man's sight, cleaned heart from any dirtiness. She's perfect.

Allah, can I be like her? 

Oh Allah, please granted me Your sweet hidayah. Solat 5 times a day doesn't guarantee your path to Jannah. Same goes to those who do bad things 24 hours a day, that also doesn't guarantee their place in Hell. Anything can happen. In a moment, you changed your heart, good to bad, or the opposite. And who knows, during that very little moment, Allah called you back to Him. Taubat will only be accepted until your soul reach your throat. After that, no tears, or cries can change your faith. Nauzubillah. Let us all die as a true muslim, in heart, and soul.

Allah, help me. You know how weak I am. You know how I need your help in time of hardship. Sometimes I felt so tired, I almost let myself down. But I know I have You. Let us get through this hardship smoothly. Let it be smooth and in ease. Let everything be fixed as we wish it should. 

You knew what's best for us. Allahu Ya Rabbi. Ameen..

Tomorrow~

Mode: Bored.

I can't sleep tonight. Despite only slept for four and a half hours today, I'm imsoniac right now. After talking and laughing with the love, I was left alone wandering around my room, waiting for this eyes to fell asleep. And now, my stomach is calling for it's top craved, hot chocolate. Here you go, stomey. :)

Done uploading my winter coats pictures on facebook. And shame on me, I did it on the wrong way. But whatever, I don't care, and I don't think anyone actually care, so long the pictures are there. Hehe. Hope it'll be sold out by this week. In Shaa Allah~ :)

Tomorrow, it is going to be a long day. Well, I'm planning to start on my fasting day. And uhm.. I need to be a tough girl to throw away those boxes of books and papers outside my room. Need to clear up the living room for those sweet girls who's waiting to live here as soon as we go back to Malaysia. So, estimation... 5 times going up and down the stairs with one big box full with heavy books. Ugh. Go on, burn those cals.. ;p

And yeah, I need to see my dentist tomorrow. Updating these braces thingy. Hope to remove the brackets at least by next week. Please, not the convo's pictures. Not with this nerdy mode face. Na ah. Please doctor, get rid of this 'Betty' image by next week.. Pleaseeee~

Then... Jubah. Yes. Jubah for the small kenit cousin of mine.

Yeah. I'm bored and imsoniac. I can't sleep, and now, I'm posting my tomorrow's to do list on my blog.. Yey! Now my eyes said, "Let's sleep dear brain. Time to wash out those metabolites!" ;))

Time is precious. Cherish every moments, cause you never know when it be your last moment.--- Anonymous

Alhamdulillah~

Alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah...

It was evening here, in Zagazig. Me and Dina, wondering around the hijab shops after having an appointment with our dentist. During this dull moment, a friend called us. Our exam result is out! Yes, Dina freaked out. Me too. On the inside. I tried to act calm. I keep telling myself, "It's okay, redha and tawakkal. No matter what the result is, I've tried my best." But to be honest, yes, I do freaked out, and my hand shake and sweaty. Trying to distract my attention by focusing on the shawls. Nope. Not working. So I decided to call a friend to check my result. I can't wait any longer.

And walla~ Here's my result! :)

Note that my marks censored here..;p

I got mumtaz a.k.a excellent! Alhamdulillah.. How big Allah's gift for me today. Honestly, I was aiming for Jayyid Jiddan this year. Since I felt a little bit threaten by my way of answering the exams this year. But what do you know? Allah helped me. Syukran Ya Allah.. :')

I remember my talk with Dina 5 years ago. "I don't expect to get mumtaz every year, but my aim is to get better result year by year." And alhamdulillah, getting Jayyid during my 1st and 2nd year is a miracle. And Jayyid jiddan from 3rd till 5th year is another big gifts Allah had granted me. And finally, mumtaz says hi to me. This time, he hugged me and said, finally, I'm yours. hehe. Alhamdulillah..

"Faith is the first factor in a life devoted to service. Without it, nothing is possible. With it, nothing is impossible."
Mary McLeod Bethune

Have faith~

Indeed, Allah know what is best for you. Have faith in Him. Everything happen for a reason. There's always a good behind the bad. And there might be some bad behind those goods. We'll never know. All we can do is just move on with our living, filled with abundance of gratitude and remembrance of Allah. Hoping that everything will be fine some day. 

Our life is like a book. A written book. Finished book since us as a tiny lifeless meat inside our mom's womb. Everything has been written tidily and perfectly. Our earnings, our partner, time of death. All of it. It's Allah's will. By His will only, things happen. 

So, why should we filled out heart and mind with worries? Fears? Sorrows? 

Me. Punishing myself with non stop worrying. I want it. I wanted it so bad, that I'm afraid I might lose it. I'm scared of losing it. I cried so hard hoping that it won't go away. I wanted to hold it tightly, so tight that it can never slip away from my hand. I can't sit calmly, I think too much about it, I feel unease and tangled.

Until I get to sit on the sejadah today, wearing my telekung, done sujud as long as I wanted. The calmness finally arrived. Just like that, all the negative feelings flown away. I can breath with ease. It's like a whisper that came softly into my heart. Yes. Once I put my feet on the sejadah, this whisper came to me. "Have faith in Allah. Allah knows what's best for his slave. Don't worry, if the thing meant to be yours, by Allah's will, it will come to you. Now or later, if it meant to be with you, it will." 

Allah, how lovely Your Mercy is. Syukran Ya Allah. Syukran..

Stop worrying, dear self. Pray. Ask for Allah's help. Never stop asking. As Allah loves His slave that always performed  Du'a. Keep asking. Keep praying. Keep hoping. With full of believes and faith. Allah loves me. I know. And I love Allah with my whole heart. There's no better way of expressing your fears and sadness, other than Him.. Alhamdulillah, I have Allah..

"And who so ever believe in God, He guide his heart. And God is Knower of all things."---64:11

Exhausted ~

It's a long long long day for me today. Completely exhausted. Feels like dying. Lying flat on my bed all day long. I can't enjoy any musics. Slow one reminds me of this bizarre situation I am in today. Fast one reminds me of that someone who I might missed so much and cry so hard for. Things got really twisted up, and everything kept bouncing up and down inside my head. The old and recent stories. It's too dramatic, yet, that's the type of relationship I just get myself into. Tiresome. But I choose to fight, and at the same time, hurt and cries.

 Things solved just now. For sure, as expected, one will bursting out to tears, non stop, which is me, and the other one walked away happily with boosted smile on the face. I cried. My eyes hurt so much. Feels like my eyeballs will pop out this orbit in no time. Plus, my eyelids seems more Chinese look like right now.

After cried out loud with my pillow and spongebob, and cried over the phone with my girl, Dina, who's still wondering why I cried so hard just now, now I feel a little bit lighter. Although this heaviness over my chest still present, at least I can breath smoothly now. A little smoother..

I splashed my face with the coldest winter water, and prep my face to sleep with Isis Serum and eye gel. I drink lots lotsa water to cool down my throat and heart. Lying on my bed, dragging along my lappy, put it on my lap, and watch some hilarious youtube videos. Stuck with JLovesMac1 videos, she's cool and funny, my mind still blankly thinking about other thing. The fact that things were just happen today, and still freshly baked in my mind, I just can't stop myself rewinding all those heartbreaking and suffocating episodes.

I ended up watching videos about 'break ups'. How to handle it, how to get over it, how to do it, when is the right time to do so, why we need break ups, and so on. It helped a lot actually. Yes, I never thought it would, but it just did. And so I watched this video, also by JLovesMac1, telling on how to get over the break up. She was telling the right thing here. In her own mediocre way. I love her tips.

I know I may sound a little bit weird. Sad story, but not so sad way of telling it. I'm completely unstable right now. Mentally I mean. I'm tired. I need my beauty sleep, since it was stolen from me last night by this unhappy event.

Okay, gotta go. I need to act happy. I am happy! Well, at least I have something to wait for. Which is it? Sinai hiking tour! This 1st of Feb till the 3rd. Pray for our safety. We will enjoy the hike for sure. Plus, counting days to go back home. Huhu... I missed my dad the most in this critical emotion of mine. ;'(

Okay all.. Good night. Remember dear self, Allah always watching. :')

"Why Am I so scared of losing you when you are not even mine?"---Anonymous 

Home~

Alhamdulillah~

Finally home.Since yesterday.And yes,it feels great.Just realized how I missed my room so much,that I can sleep soundly last night.I just missed the odour of my spongebob,my bed sheet,my room.I missed my wide bathroom,and my broad kitchen.Aah..There's no place like home.

Today,there are plenty of things I've started.One of them is my diet regime.Previously,I was kind of practising this yo-yo diet.By restricting carbs,stop savouring my all time favourite,chocolates.And ended up with rebound and bloating.Bad idea,bad action.So now,I'm doing my usual diet regime,which is,portion control.So,wish me luck!

And...finally I can join Sinai hiking this February!Yeah!It's a 3 days 2 nights trip. Alhamdulillah. It's one of my to do list before heading back to Malaysia. Hee~Excited! So, starting tomorrow, insyaAllah me and Dina will start to sweat ourself out by jogging along the riverside in the morning. So.. It'll be some bonus for my weightloss goal~ ;)

I'm spending my time more by reading since last night. I prefer reading this religious books. Just to clear up this dirty head and mind. And alhamdulillah, I do feel the ease and calmness. Alhamdulillah.. Wish me luck on my way to be a better muslimah. Aamiin.. :)

Okay dear all~ In less than a month, I'll be back to Malaysia. Gosh! I can't wait!

p/s: My dearest one is having his exam this Friday. May Allah ease his exam smoothly, brighten the darkness in his heart, and clear up his tongue to answer every questions smoothly. And may the examiner hear his answer with calmness and patience. Amin Ya Allah. Amin..

Power is so characteristically calm, that calmness in itself  has the aspect of strength.---Edward G. Bulwer-Lytton

Worries~

Life is full with worries. Enough said. Stop worrying about the future, stop clinging onto the pasts, and enjoy the present moment. It's a famous saying that undoubtedly motivate us all. We were all remind ourself each day, non stop, to make it more practical, more than just words said. Enjoy the present moment..

But as usual.. Speaking is far much easier than doing. And to be a doer, a strong heart and determination is needed. And to have those, gratitude and peaceful are required. The must have attitude for a better joyousness.

But how can we achieve inner peace? I admit it. I may seem a good laugher, a woman with less problems. Someone who can overcome awkward or tense situation easily. Who ignore all those drama and rather focus on her happiness. I'm that kind of woman. And people often asked me some ways on how to manage their anxiousness, their sadness, worries, and anger. Not to mention those kiddies who stressed out over their body. Well, in other words, I'm a psychiatrist plus minus a dietitian.. *maybe*

The thing is, we will never be happy, completely. Each laugh, each smile on our face, will always be  accompanied with worries and sadness. Some people shop a lot, and she felt happy about that. And at the same time, she felt guilty for spending too much on unnecessary things. Same goes to the girls that enjoying their favourite meal. Filled with delicious cheese, plus mind freezer desert. At that moment, she's worried over her calories intake, her waist circumference.

See? People always filled with worries. There's no perfect time to be happy. I think, as for me, life is all about reacting the way you wanted it to be. Express everything. Laugh. Cry if you wanted to. Just express everything. Be mad, yell. It's all the negativity that built up inside your heart, that needs to be expelled. That's why there are saying like this, "Speak Up Your Mind."

I was alone here. Kind of. Since my temporary house mate were asleep at day time, so technically, I am alone. And loneliness drive me crazy. Well, in term of thinking, not the usual kind of craziness. I tend to think a lot, bored, and think a lot again. And a lot if thinking driven me to those negativity.

Okay, I think I've typed too much this time. This finger can't really be stopped at the time of boredom like this. I need to stop mumbling. Anyway, wish me luck to gain those positivity soon. I need to stop worrying, and start living an exciting life. ;)

May my listed to do items be achieve before I fly back to Malaysia. A month more. Wish me luck~ :)

Worries does not take away tomorrow's troubles, it takes away today's peace.

Hijrah~

Simple post for today.

I do have the keen to change my clothes. My hijab. I wanted it to be bigger, secured, and nice. Not tight, not see through. I wanted to walk around without man looking. I hate their weird gaze, as if you were a food. It's scary, and annoying. But that's what happen when a woman passing with these improper clothes.

Astaghfirullah. I knew I'm not that good. I'm bad. It's like reversing myself towards the time of Jahiliyyah. I was blind folded by trends, by a lot of other things. And it was all depend on me to resist it, to think wisely, and decide which is best for me. 

In Syaa Allah. By Allah's will, I will move myself towards a better muslimah. Hijrah towards a better me. I am on my way. Even though sometimes there are some seduction that pull me away from my planned road. Pray for me. Help me to be better. 

Thank you Allah, for Your loves. For You showing me the right way before it's too late.

 “Hana, everything that God made valuable in the world is covered and hard to get to.
Where do you find diamonds? Deep down in the ground, covered and protected.
Where do you find pearls? Deep down at the bottom of the ocean, covered up and protected in a beautiful shell.
Where do you find gold? Way down in the mine, covered over with layers and layers of rock. You've got to work hard to get to them.”
“Your body is sacred. You’re far more precious than diamonds and pearls, and you should be covered too.” 

----Ali's advice to his daughters.

The test at ease~

You can see the real you during Ramadhan. That's what I get to know during our usrah. Which means, fasting month allowed you to fight with you ownself, not with Satan. That's when you can see the real inner you, good or bad. That's the real test Allah gave us, where nothing else to blame, not Satan, not other people, but ourself.

What about months other than Ramadhan? Of course there are tests that we face each day, which define our heart towards Allah, our iman in this religion. But when?

As for me, the test came during our most ease days. Like now. Where there are no classes, no books to read and memorize, no exams to be prep, nothing to worry about. And it feels great! And when the word great comes out of your mind, means, it's the time of the test. Now we can define, do we really remember Allah at the time of ease? Or is it during the time of difficult only?

We choose our behaviour towards our Creator. We love Him. We need Him. Always. Continuously. It's not a wave. It's constant. That's how it should be. 

Astaghfirullah.. Allah, please forgive me. Forgive my sins, my wrongdoings. I forgot when I'm at ease. Thank you Allah for your reminder. Alhamdulillah..

Remember self, 

-Never procrastinate your Solat time, as our time of death also do the same.

-Read Quran, everyday. At least 8 ayat, it's the healer for our contaminated heart.

-Tasbih,tahmid,Istighfar..For the tongue can be the beginner towards a cleaner heart.

-Read more books, watch more Islamic Kuliyyah..Brighten your heart and mind..

Alhamdulillah~

“Therefore remember Me. I will remember you. Be grateful to Me and never show Me ingratitude” – Al-Baqarah 2:152

Imperfection is perfect~

Life isn't perfect. So are you. Us. We'll never be perfect. But that's what human seeking for. Perfection. And it's sickening. Everyone keeps feeling hurts and depressed, thinking on how unfortunate themselves, how lacking they are.

I admit. I do feel the same way. Sometime. Or almost all the time. I keep chasing over things that I don't have. If I managed to get it, I'm more than happy. And if I didn't, I'll ended up punishing myself. And it's unhealthy, I know..

We should stop this tiring routine. This whole wanting thing, demanding things. We should just stop and accept things the way it is. The way it should be. Imperfection is the most perfect thing we can be. Accepting the imperfection is the key to find the inner peace, to live in ease. 

I know it's our nature to be demanding and all. We dreamed. We wanted it to be that way. But why don't we just be cool about it? Take it easy.. Not getting it doesn't mean you're a failure. There is other thing to be happy for.

I think, so far, I got one conclusion of why this whole 'wanna be perfect' things happened. I think, it's because of our "COMPARING" behaviour. Admit it. We were all always comparing ourself with others. We want to be better. We want to have what the others have. We want the same, but yet, still better than them. 

If she's clever, I wanna be excellent. If she's likeable, I wanna be lovable. Richer, hotter, thinner, popular, and so on. 

Don't you all see? It's tiring. Where you feel insecure about what you already have, is it enough, is it something that people will not laugh at, or smirk at. And in the mean time, you feel unhappy over things that you can't or don't have.

Let us all stop this unhealthy cycle. Start to love yourself. Accept everything. We all know how beautiful and amazing God's plan is. He knew what's best for us. Stop comparing ourself with others. And for the girls out there, and myself, stop gossiping about other's imperfections. Or perfections. It'll lead us to be some kind of a judgemental freak, and ended up entering those cycle of comparison..Don't!

Each night, be thankful for what you have. Appreciate it. And hope for a better tomorrow. Beauty comes from within. When you love yourself, when you feel good about everything around you, appreciate and love what you already have, it'll shine through your face.. 

K ladies? Be good to yourself~ :)

The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind the scenes with everyone else's highlight reel.---Steven Furtick

Self care mode activated~

Ok,hi there~

The exam is over.Long time ago..I mean,5 days ago.But it feels like forever.You know,when you have got nothing to do, a day feels like a week. Boring and dull..

These few days post exam, I spent my whole time with the girls.Laughing, watching movies, binging and so on.It's fun.And last night, we were having our sleep over. Us seven, cooking, eating, watch horror and thriller shows. What a day.. :)

And yes, this unproductive life really makes my brain slower. Inactive and dull. Except the joy of laughing out loud with the besties, everything seems slower. I need to pumped up my metabolism. I gained weight, my skin seems dull and unhealthy, my body become weaker, and my room is a mess. :(

So starting today, I need to start taking care of myself. Again. I've decided to just be the turtle under his shell. Not going anywhere, unless I am able to take a good care of myself. Pampering this body, skin, mind. I need a time for myself. Meditating, be more positive. Unplugging myself from others. Kept myself away from negativity. Only then, I'll go out, socializing again, attending the hospitals and so on. Before that, I need sometime alone..

We use alone time to process our relationships and recalibrate our sense of self. Solitude confirms that we’re more than the sum of our reactions to other people and encounters. In solitude, we return to center.

Wish me luck with my 'forever alone' mode.. ;)