Hello final year!

Alhamdulillah... Thanks to The Almighty for giving me a chance to test the joy of victory within myself. And I cannot thank you enough for my family and friends who've always being there for me.
Sounds like an award speech. Yup, it's an award for myself. I may not be the one who's standing shiny within the crowds, holding the "EXCELLENT" title. But yes, I am completely satisfied with what I've achieved this time. As for me, finding my true self before heading to the world of working was such a big thankful miracle. I finally knew what I should and shouldn't do as a student, medical student, and what it takes to be an excellent doctor. The idea of respecting what you've already got is a must.
Next year, it'll be my final chance to perform my excellency.I must boost out my 100% energy to grab the missing excellent. For the past 4 years, it flew away where the possibilities to grab it back is so small to some extend, I was almost completely destructed inside. This year, I can see it's shadow, calling for me to catch it no matter what. But, shadow will always be a shadow, only visible, not touchable.
Well, next year, I'm sure it'll show itself. Right in front of me. All depends on me. Grab it or not.
Go for it TJ! InsyaAllah..

Hello Sabah!

I'm back to malaysia! Finalleh!
I was an inch beyond my "lively corpse" period, and poof! Finally I decided to go back to my "homesick caller" homeland. I miss my family so much, I can't wait to fly this Monday night! Wohooo!
Talking about how excited I am right now, I'm a little bit worried about our becoming adventure. Yesterday, and the night before yesterday, I mean, the situation was tensed. Blame Air Asia and MAS flight! Well, of course it might be my fault in the first place, sudden decision to go home during this super busy full holiday where everyone is flying home to celebrate Christmas Day. Yey to them! And of course, woes to me. Hurmm.
After a long long tiresome day in front of my laptop and talking on my phone, till at time, the battery might just explodes because of the long long discussion about our tickets, and yeah, finally me and Maya decided to take the flight back to Kota Kinabalu through Labuan. And yes, Labuan means, ferry! And yes, ferry during this monsoon? Allah please protect us from all those negative unwanted possibilities.
Anyway, the most important thing of course for us to land safely. And that indeed need prays. May Allah guide us, protect us from any unwanted harm along our way home. Amin.

p/s:too much foods already floating in my mind! Malaysian foods! Wait for me!

Rejected holiday~

Holiday. And I'm doing nothing. Frustrated. Too much plan, and not even one is going as it should be. And I end up sitting bluntly in front of my lappy, the whole day. Tiresome over this boredom.

Cancel the attachment. The thought of 4 weeks plain holidays, finally become worse when one my colleagues told us that these boring holiday might be longer because of the delayed exam results. Urghh! Another 5 weeks? Or 6 weeks? I might die out of boredom! Time, please fly faster!

Am I being ungrateful? Previously, my mind filled with the excitement of becoming holidays, but now? Hurmm...

"Follow me around. I don't care. If anybody wants to put a tail on me, go ahead. They'd be very bored."

----Gary Hart

I'm still abroad~

"Goodbye England".

I saw his wall post just now. I smile. Funny though. I'm just like him. Oversea's student. A child that gone through wide several seas (by flight I mean), to study. And of course, to see things beyond the edges. He was the first. And now he's back. After about 10 years, the first villager of mine finally back home. He lives in England almost 10 years. Haven't gone back to homeland, not even once. Finally he's back. And he was worried. About the weather, the changes he might face. And of course, he's lost father while he is still abroad.

See how strong he is, made me feel so small and nothing. 6 years is nothing compared to him. And still, I'm complaining a lot about being away from home, missing family and so on. He's finally back and a lot of people greet him. Can't wait to see him. To see the 'after 10 years no see' face. Me? Another year, and I'm back. Well, nothing to tell right? I'm home? I am home at every year since my first year here. Well, one thing for sure now, I'm still abroad.

The point is, finally I do feel the regret of not trying to find as much experiences I should have. It's my final chance to explore the feelings of holidaying abroad.

Huh~ Finally I find the ease I was looking for. Feeling sorry for myself not being able to join the others to fly back home this year. It's finally gone. Ermm. Not really gone. But a little bit gone I think.

Well then, another 2 sessions of exams. And yes, I do feel sad about my yesterday's paper. Hormonal? No. No excuse. It's just myself being too lazy to do my best. In my face! Rebound phenomena! Come out now~

(^-^) v

"Mistakes are a part of being human. Appreciate your mistakes for what they are: precious life lessons that can only be learned the hard way. Unless it's a fatal mistake, which, at least, others can learn from."

---Al Franken

Nerve wrecker ~

Dr. Pagalavan-The storm is coming

Comment 2

Comment 1

Enough to shack your mind, isn't it? Less on call, less overworking hours, more productive HOs. But does 'shift system' really worked to produce high quality doctors? Although quantity already been a big issue lately, now the quality seems to be another highlights to talk about. I am still a student, but sooner, I'll graduates and go back home to work. Hurmm... Seems like the challenges waiting rose up more. Prepare yourself. Be this harder challenges as a stepping stone to reach higher than expected.

“Courage is one step ahead of fear.”

---Coleman Young

(^_^)~

(^_^)

Smile~

Life will always be like this. There'll be no happily ever after. Upside down it is. Just like the wheel. There are times when we are ups, and sometimes, we were unconsciously deep inside the bottom. There's no way we can run away from the truth, the fact. For sure it does happen, and will be. All we have to do now, is just, face it, take it as easy as it should be. Realizing that everything was temporary, and fixable. Be brave, stand up, fight! Learn to identify each situation, especially the bad one. Stop running away, and learn to fix it. For me, the most beautiful moment, was when I get to solve something, the harder it getting my way, the more precious it become. See? God created this life to be that beautiful, it depends on us to appreciate it by acting the way we should be. Be wiser, think further, be happier~

"The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work"

---Unknown Author

Struggle~

“Sometimes, struggles are exactly what we need in our life. If we were to go through our life without any obstacles, we would be crippled. We would not be as strong as what we could have been. Give every opportunity a chance, leave no room for regrets.”

--- Unknown Author

I used to be like this and that. There's too much bad habits to be listed down here, but for sure, it does present, and was, and some still is. I can't directly type down the point I'm talking about, but I'm sure some of those out there already knew what kind of struggle I've been involved during these previous years. Fighting with your own body, your own soul, is the hardest war ever.

I've improved. From my stand point here, I do improved. A lot. Maybe others still looking at me like I'm some kind of a freak, who's still caught in my own past stories. And I admit that I am still in there, part of me still inside there, trying my best to fix things up, to let everything go, let it stay there, to lighten the loads, so that I can keep walking forward smoothly. I'm tired, and only God know how tiresome it is to face the facts. Karma do happen. And everything I'm facing right now is Karma, from my past mistakes, now it's my turn.

All I can really do right now, is be patience. Allah is always be there, watching. I knew He loves me. Wanted me to be stronger. Maybe it's a little progress, but at least it's a positive progress. And I'll keep trying.

Somebody once said "the biggest room in the world is the room for improvement." Make room in your life for improvement. And if you think you are already very good, look closely. You might still want to tweak a few things to make you better.

Another 9 days to go. Cortisol, come out, come out wherever you are~

(^~^)

Random pieces~

Credit to Khansa for these amazing pictures~

I was suppose to upload these pictures into my facebook account. But here they are now! ;p

Hurmm... Imagine the feeling of leaving Egypt. Am I being way too early to have this feeling? Yeah, how I wish time will fly faster, so that I can go back to my homeland, work, work, more excellent work...

"We do not remember days; we remember moments."

~Cesare Pavese

p/s: Paeds... Be my friend please?

Refreshing~

These past few days were just as dull as the weather did. It's winter and the sun seems a little bit shy to expose itself. Sometimes hot, another time, it's freaking cold. The perfect time to catch cold. So everyone, get yourself up, move more, sweat your toxins out of your lazy body, be more energetic and of course, take out all those thicker clothes and socks. Take care of your only place to live, which is, your body.

Healthy mind equal to youthful body. I had a bad hair day during these past few days. Winter do damage your hair without hair serum. But nope. It's not about my hair. And I didn't blame the weather this time. It's me. Who forgot to get a perfect rest after those long tiresome exams. I go to Cairo straight away after the exam. And the day after, I begin to sleep 5 hours sharp as usual, starting my engine for the next exam. Without realizing that I've forgot to refill the gas. It's an engine with drops of leftover gas. What a waste.

So, I'm now trying my best to get my perfect rest as others did. My poor body and mind, they do feel tired. Too much work last time huh? Okay, relax and refresh. Another 3 sessions of exams, and poof! It's holiday. Short but hope it'll be meaningful. Planning to attend attachment here in Egypt. May God's Will.

Okay, good luck all~

And yes, happy winter! Did I mention how much I love winter than summer? Finally!

"And although I like to relax and have fun, my passion is my work."

---Benjamin Cohen

Workaholic with joy~

This is all I can think about. My future. About me being a doctor to-be (by Allah's will). I'm a 'workaholic to-be'. That's what my friend called me. "You're a study-holic now," that's what they replied when I ask them why they called me that.

I'm really into this medicine world now. My keen to explore the world of medicine is beyond my expectations as before. I'm really in love with it. Maybe a little bit delayed, but 5th year really does changed my heart, my attention. I love medicine. Everything have it's own mysteries. Everything need to be explored. And the answer is the real satisfaction you'll ever had.

I spent my previous years with worries. Thinking about how my life will turn out to be if I keep doing things I'm not really into it. That's the old episodes of me being a blind girl, didn't realize that medicine is just superior amazing than others.

Finally I found the real joy of doing something I really love. No tiredness, nor boredom. See? Allah do watching. Alhamdulillah.

"You'll find the light at the end of the tunnel, so long if you keep moving forward, with passion and patience."

Meaning behind luck~

“Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.”

It is just a luck. It's on my side, and I'm really thankful to Allah. Overwhelmed by yesterday's exam, which nearly made me feels unconsciously relaxed to prepare for tomorrow and others becoming exams.

Everyone seems worried. Another bigger exams is waiting. And I was like, don't worry. Another luck is coming. But actually, it is a bad hopes, isn't it?

Yes, there are moments when you feel luck is on your side. You don't read much, you don't stress yourself enough as others, turns out, you can passed through the exam smoothly. And thanks to Allah, it is such a bless from Him.

I cannot sleep last night, I want my adrenaline to rush out through my vessels, increase my sympathetic response, my nervousness as others. I don't want this feeling of 'over-relax' keep lingering around me. 'Defensive Pessimist'. Remember?

What if this luck is just a sign. It is a sign that telling me to work harder for this becoming exams. Maybe those lucks were just a 'one-time' chance, so that I can keep doing my best for another days. I cannot just put my hope and efforts on luck.

I need to work fully harder today. Strive at my best. I know I can if I fully determined myself that I can.

Hard work comes before luck. It's in that order.

InsyaAllah~

“I'm a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work, the more I have of it.”

Don't stop!~

I was wondering why on earth does my past few days felt so dull and depressed. PMS isn't the answer right now. Not this time.

I felt so exhausted, doesn't have the usual keen to read books, despite our oral exam of dermatology is just floating in front. I was lost. In a battle with my own weakness. I bowed upon my laziness and tiredness, which is unexplainable. It's not like I've run a hundred miles or doing anything. I was just wandering around the house, staring on nothing, thinking about NOTHING.

I do worried. Just like others, I was worried about my past exams. My becoming bunches of exams.

No. Not now. This isn't the right time to say 'tawakkal'. There'll be no tawakkal without full efforts. Right now, I'm striving at my best, with hopes to get blesses from Allah. Don't stop trying in the middle of the war, or else, you'll end up dying with full of regrets and shame. Held your swords high, swing it as hard as you could.

“People become really quite remarkable when they start thinking that they can do things. When they believe in themselves they have the first secret of success.”

– Norman Vincent Peale

Bad can be good~

Every yin always has it's yang. Same goes to our beliefs that germs is bad for us. Turns out, they can be good for us. UV rays used to treat some skin conditions nowadays, which previously stated that it is bad for our skin.

Same goes to pessimism. It can be good as, or even better than the consistently optimist one. But add the word 'defensive' in front. Defensive Pessimist. And that will be the one.

Being known as a pessimist is a no for us. All of us thriving of being so called 'Optimist'. The pessimist will pick the half empty, while the optimist would choose the half full. But now, I'm not talking about a general disposition to see a glass half empty. Lets take a look from a different standpoint now.

What exactly is Defensive Pessimism?

It is a strategy used in specific situations to manage anxiety, fears, and worry. How? When facing a pressured situation, these pessimist will prepare themselves by setting low expectations for themselves. In the meantime, they will have the urge to make a detailed assessment of everything which might go wrong. Once they imagined the full range of bad outcomes, they'll eventually start to figure out how to handle things out, and that gives them the sense of control.

"What's intriguing about defensive pessimists, is that they tend to be very successful people, and so their low opinion of the outcome isn't realistic; they use it to motivate themselves to perform better. They use 'defensive pessimism' as a tool to work through all the possibilities so they prepared for everything, even failure. And if they do fail, they are ready for it, so it's not so catastrophic."

---Lawrence Sanna, PhD, professor of psychology at University of North Carolina

Well, do you think you're a defensive pessimist? I think I've already turned to be one of them since here in Egypt. Too many things have change, and thanks God for letting me see things through many different ways. Experiencing the bad isn't bad at all. It is a tool for me to build a better new me.

Till then. The time is ticking, another exam is waiting. Wish me luck~

Source: Oprah.com

Aah..that's life~

Life always synonym with the word: COMPLICATED~

I'm 23, and there's too much to think about. It's not about tomorrow, nor next week. It's about what kind of 'me' would it be, in the next 5 years, and 10 years.. Right now, one thing for sure is that I'll be a doctor. And of course it wasn't as easy as others interpreted. Graduation is a big deal. Going through 6 years is a big deal. But what's the 'real big deal' is the becoming things we will be facing afterwards.

HO, and then MO. And God knows how HO being highlighted nowadays. Their poor of skills, knowledges. It is bothersome somehow. But the only thing came crossing my mind right now, for sure, we'll get there by time. Scared from being called as 'incompetent'? It won't help at all.

Life always like that. There's nothing we'll get by free. No one in this whole world ever be success smoothly as they planned. There'll always be a bitter things to come. It is all depend on us. It is a matter of going through it.

It is a tall thick wall in front of us. And no one knows what's behind that wall, but that's the only way we had. Turning back around is not an option. Depend on us to figure out how to pass through it. WISE + BRAVE + DETERMINED. And once you've passed the wall, for sure there'll be another wall waiting miles ahead. Taller or shorter, or maybe sharper at the edge. We must make sure to pass through it, smoothly, without destroying ourself. That is why it is so important for us to learn on how to control our own emotion, our weakness. It isn't all about physical strength. Emotional strength nowadays already being the first key for a better and worth life.

Make a shell. Be immune from any types of attacks. Verbal, physical, emotional. It's our life. Be braver. Stop whining around saying it is hard, it is not worthwhile. Our life depends on only one party, which is ourself.

I can feel the heat. But I used it as my energy booster to work harder and better. Every negative charges thrown over me, I'll turn it all into positive one. Building a strong positive will. The only one who can control ourself, is our own mind.

*end of self motivation mode. Tomorrow: 3rd paper of IM. Wish me luck~

The Legendary Steve Jobs~

Steve Jobs in memory: 1955-2011

I'm not an Apple's all time fan. But I always had this thought, how amazing that person who innovated all this products. How smart he is. How he can see the world beyond the limit. He created things that make the world realized how new era of life is encroaching just by changes of things. Every new products of Apple Inc. make me think, "Aah...world really does change. Is it 2020 or what?"...

I cannot imagine what kind of products will this giant innovate in another 5 years...or 10 years. It is just unimaginable. I'm impressed.

Just now, I've found out that this man, the one that I've always questioning about his amazing way of thinking, creating, just died. Blame his liver cancer. It is such a big lost. He's just an amazing man. He is dead, but he left his legendary memories with us. His innovations. Like what his employer said, "he's like John Lennon, or Elvis Presley".

"Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything -- all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure -- these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart."

"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma -- which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice."

--- Late Steve Jobs, Commencement Speech at Stanford University, 2005

It is not always about you~

I've found this amazing article. Guilty, scared.. Everything! I'm a daughter, a woman. I always tell people around me, "Mind your own business, then I'll watch mine". But now I realized, it's not just about me. What I do, how I act, my way of thinking, my appearance. It's not just about me.

As a muslim, it is a must for us to believe in the hereafter. It is the afterlife, where all we've done during our life, determine whether we'll be going to Heaven or Hell.

Here, I wanted to share about men. We all know that women will be majority in Hell, as they're easily committed sins. But what about men? Here I shared this article for us to think. Wallahualam~

Di akhirat nanti ada 4 golongan lelaki yang akan ditarik masuk ke neraka oleh wanita. Lelaki itu adalah mereka yang tidak memberikan hak kepada wanita dan tidak menjaga

amanah itu. Mereka ialah:

1. Ayahnya

Apabila seseorang yang bergelar ayah tidak mempedulikan anak-anak perempuannya didunia. Dia tidak memberikan segala keperluan agama seperti mengajar solat,mengaji dan sebagainya. Dia membiarkan anak perempuannya tidak menutup aurat. Maka dia akan ditarik ke neraka oleh anaknya.

"Duhai lelaki yang bergelar ayah, bagaimanakah hal keadaan anak perempuanmu sekarang?. Adakah kau mengajarnya bersolat & puasa?..menutup aurat?.. pengetahuan agama?.. Jika tidak cukup salah satunya, maka bersedialah untuk menjadi bahan bakar neraka jahannam."

2. Suaminya

Apabila sang suami tidak mempedulikan tindak tanduk isterinya. Bergaul bebas di pejabat, memperhiaskan diri bukan untuk suami tapi untuk pandangan kaum lelaki yang bukan mahram. Apabila suami mendiam diri walaupun seorang yang alim dimana solatnya tidak pernah bertangguh, puasanya tidak tinggal, maka dia akan turut ditarik oleh isterinya bersama-sama ke dalam neraka.

"Duhai lelaki bergelar suami, bagaimanakah hal keadaan isteri tercintamu sekarang?. Dimanakah dia? Bagaimana akhlaknya? Jika tidak kau menjaganya mengikut ketetapan syari'at, maka terimalah hakikat yang kau akan sehidup semati bersamanya di 'taman' neraka sana"

3. Abang-abangnya

Apabila ayahnya sudah tiada, tanggungjawab menjaga maruah wanita jatuh ke bahu abang-abangnya dan saudara lelakinya. Jikalau mereka hanya mementingkan keluarganya sahaja dan adiknya dibiar melencong dari ajaran Islam,tunggulah tarikan adiknya di akhirat kelak.

"Duhai lelaki yg mempunyai adik perempuan, jangan hanya menjaga amalmu, dan jangan ingat kau terlepas... kau juga akan dipertanggungjawabkan diakhirat kelak...jika membiarkan adikmu bergelumang dengan maksiat... dan tidak menutup aurat"

4. Anak-anak lelakinya

Apabila seorang anak tidak menasihati seorang ibu perihal kelakuan yang haram disisi Islam. bila ibu membuat kemungkaran mengumpat, memfitnah, mengata dan sebagainya...maka anak itu akan disoal dan dipertanggungjawabkan di akhirat kelak....dan nantikan tarikan ibunya ke neraka.

"Duhai anak2 lelaki.... sayangilah ibumu.... nasihatilah dia jika tersalah atau terlupa.... kerana ibu juga insan biasa... tidak lepas dari melakukan dosa... selamatkanlah dia dari menjadi 'kayu api' neraka....jika tidak, kau juga akan ditarik menjadi penemannya."

Hurmm...It's also about my father, brothers.. :(

Another episode of boredom (again)~

"Richard Clayderman: Romeo & Juliet Love Theme"

"Good Night, Good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say good night till it be morrow."

- William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, 2.2

Counting days for 2nd paper of Internal Medicine~

Till then, I'm tired, listening to my favourite playlist in 4shared. Hurm...How many days left before 8th? Chill! ;p

Invisible vampires?~

Nowadays, vampires is synonym with Edward Cullen nor Bella Swan. But, no, this isn't about them. Same creatures, but different stories.. :)

Ever heard about "Energy Vampires"? It's refers to those who sap your energy off you, make you feel down and drained, weak. Some people call them, "vibe suckers", or "mood hoovers".

I think all of us do have this kind of people buzzing around, who always dampen our mood. Daily. And only God knows how, how tiresome it is..

Moods and energy are infectious. Positive people can do wonders to our mind, bring us along with their flawless thought about how bright this life can be. Same thing happen when you tend to tangled around those negatives. "Energy vampires" thrive on negativity, unwilling to see life in a positive ways. They drained your energy along, drag you down.

No matter how hard we tried to highlight the positives, they always turned it back to their negative thoughts. But don't blame them, as they usually unaware of it.

Signs you've been struck by "Energy Vampire":

• exhausted and feeling unease after being in their company.
• feel negative and down.
• feeling dread seeing them again.
• stressed and tense from the thought of seeing them.

So, what should you do?

1. State your case: they are unaware of it. So try to tell them personally. Tell them exactly how you feel. Little chance to say it face to face? Then type it down. By doing this, you can also arrange your thoughts, one by one so that no one will get hurt.
2. Imagine: you might feel miserable when these vampires often appear in front of you, maybe at work or home. Create your own shell then. Imagine of having a big radiated shell around you, that no one can get through it without your consent. It is a powerful shell that helps reflect back all those negative charges and thoughts. It works in me! :)
3. Affirmations: It is a powerful statements that we say to ourselves. It has strong influence to our state of mind. No one can make us feel inferior without our consent. As for me, before beginning answering my exam, I usually take a time to calm myself down in a positive way. I keep repeating my affirmation, "I can do it. I've read all the books, I can remember it. Arrange, and write." Write your own affirmation to face those vampires. eg:"I have a strong and positive power all the time".

Well then, good luck~ :)

“We live in a world of free choice, and it is our choice to be sucked down by those who complain about everything, those who see the negative, dark side of everything, those for whom it can never be right. Remember that this way of being is their choice. The negative life they lead is a choice, their creation, although they may not be aware that they are the author of their own misery. We too have choice. Energy vampires cannot drain our vitality without our permission. We don’t need to be a part of their world. Open up to them your own world of positivity, energy, joy and love, and invite them to participate fully in it. Their failure to join you is not your problem.”

---Dr Karl Birthistle

No time to lose!~

I'm tired. Another 3 days excluding today, and I need to do extra reading to memorize everything. Wish me luck,got to go!~

“Don't wait until everything is just right. It will never be perfect. There will always be challenges, obstacles and less than perfect conditions. So what. Get started now. With each step you take, you will grow stronger and stronger, more and more skilled, more and more self-confident and more and more successful.”

---Mark Victor Hansen quotes

^-^

Why some people are happier than others?~

"Nothing is too small to know, and nothing is too big to attempt."

– William Van Horne

p/s: unrelated image (maybe because I smile when Spongebob smile, and smile wider when he laughs!;p)


Ever wondered that happiness is associated with our genes?

Well, based on the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, they found that Oxytocin is associated with our personality as the 'always see the bright side' or the one who'd always make friends wherever they go.

Oxytocin:

• also known as love or cuddled hormone
• known to be plentiful during breastfeeding women
• released by men and women during orgasm

This gene have two variants, A and G.

• Those having gene variation of one or two A's: less optimism, mastery, and self-esteem, and more symptoms of depression
• Two G's: you are more likely to see the world, and your role in it in a positive light.

But don't worry as this complex experiment they have done, finally found a conclusion, that this genes is not just 'be-all, end-all'. There are environmental variations role, like how you were raised, your experiences in life.

Dr. Philip D. Harvey, PhD:

"it's complicated. There are genes that influence the way you process emotional information, and this gene affects the way you see the world. But that doesn’t mean you can't change the way you look at the world."

Paul J. Zak, PhD:

"We may not all have the genetic predisposition for happiness and we may not release enough oxytocin. But there are things that we can engage in: whatever helps you connect with others will help you improve your life."

Alan Manevits, MD:

“Just because you have a gene doesn’t mean you are fated to be happy or sad, this speaks to the idea of developing coping mechanisms early."

But ever wonder how they made the test? 326 volunteers answered questions about optimism, self esteem and mastery. Took their saliva, to see the correlations of their genes and this self assessment.

Interesting..:)

p/s: Info from WebMD

Open up~

All these years as a doctor, I have seen many young doctors and even colleagues who resigned and left medical practise. When I ask them why, the answer will always be the same:

- never thought medicine was this though and depressing

- parents wanted me to become a doctor

- thought medicine can make a lot of money

- I thought being a doctor is just sitting in a clinic and see patients.

- got influenced by TV programmes

- thought can cure the patients all the time

--- Dr. Pagalavan Wordpress Blog

I was shocked and confused by those articles posted by Dr. Pagalavan's blog. He talks about those low quality HOs in Malaysia. Those corrupted Russian Medical Student, and us as Egyptian Student who'll be joining this corruption soon.

It's a lot of stories, and I know it's possible, and it's an opinion from a full experienced Rheumatologist, who see and knew what's really going on.

I felt a bit burdened and depressed. And so as my friends whose I've shown this article to. While some of them saying that this is all are made up stories from a 'no good Indian doctor'. A little bit racist maybe?

I'm not saying we should believe this article at 100% cost. But as a doctor to be, I mean, another 1 year to be more precise, don't you think it's a good time for us to open up our mind, look more deeply and widely about those challenges we'll be facing? Well, yes, some of those stories MIGHT be exaggerated. We're 23rd for God sake! Read, then digest. Absorb what you think is right, and excrete those unaccepted. Don't just blindly attack people saying they are a liar. It's just an inappropriate act as a grown up.

Okay, back to the topic. Since I was confused and filled with fears after reading his articles, I post a comment, saying that I'm not a good medical student. And scared if I might becoming one of those HO's he's talking about. I'm posting that comment while I'm in the middle of my "Emotional Driven" mode. Not using my mind wisely, but my emotion. And all I can say now, SO STUPID OF ME. Regret, and ashamed. When the "GOSH" commenter replied mine, I was like, "shame on me!"....

What "GOSH" saying was true. But to be clear, my first comment was all an emotional opinion, which in turn "what am I doing?" result.This is what my cleared mind was really saying:

"Yes, I think it is. But now just realized that it’s just me and my low self esteem. I know I’m better than I think I am.Frankly, I’m really into this medicine field. But too much HO stories, sometimes let us down. Don’t worry, I’ll never let those tax payees down.These articles actually opened my eyes, telling me to do better than ever. It shows me that life as a doctor is not as grandiose as others heard. Harder, than I’ll strive harder, and be among those limited. May God will."

Mode: felt challenged. And I accept the challenge. Great quality HO? Wait for us, insyaAllah.

“Dream the impossible dream, Fight the unbeatable foe, Strive with your last once of courage, To reach the unreachable star.”

Fun surveys~

I had a bad day today. I cried,but I manage to hold it inside. Things might get worse if I do something.

By the way, now I'm halfway to be completely fine. I read cardiology, maybe tonight I'm going to read it all. Another 6 days excluding today. And honestly its kind of depressing actually.

Here's one fun survey I've found somewhere randomly. In case anybody interested in answering, please do so. Let me know so that I can follow up~ :)

my name is: Katidjah Rahim

this morning i was: crying

im afraid of: small weird creatures (insects, spiders, WORMS)

i dream about: me being left behind by my dad, telling me to take another ride, turns out that driver of another car was crazy! he chased me until suddenly I entered someone's house, hiding under the table, the owner of the house trying hard to hide me as well, but finally that crazy scary man found me. Luckily I open my eyes. Exactly at the right time! Huh..

have you ever...

been in love: indeed.

cried when someone died: yes.

lied: yes.. turns out I'm good at it. but I'm on my way to throw it away. +_+

flowers or candy: candy (chocolate preferred..;p)

tall or short: tall.........

with the opposite sex...

what do you notice first?: height?

worst question to ask: is this yours? (obviously it is, and he answered it with +_+" expression)

who...

makes you laugh the most?: my cuzzy Baya

makes you smile: my grandpa

gives you a funny feeling when you see them: Ulfa & Dina

is easier talk to: boys or girls?: boys

do you ever...

sit on the internet waiting for someone special to IM you?: yup!

save AIM conversations?: yup! And I read it again and again with that funny smile on my face.

wish you were a member of the opposite sex?:nope.

cry because of something someone has said: I did. This morning was another episode. +_+"

pray?:everyday. I'm nothing without Allah.

have you ever...

fallen for your best friend?: nope.

rejected someone: kind of.

cheated on someone: yes. (in a regret mode)

been cheated on: yes...

done something you regretted: a lot..

wanted to die: nope. scared to~

who was the last person...

you talked to on the phone: Chaq (while she's still sleeping,sorry chaq)

hugged:my mom

you instant messaged:my sis

you laughed with: Yana

do you...

color your hair: nope.

fight with your parents: nope. is sulking count?

have friends you've lost touch with: yes. Andi. I missed her.

feel happy?: yes.

wish you could fly away.. far, far away?: yes,yes,yes! In those fantasy worlds made by those amazing Disney's artists.

believe in God?: yes indeed. Thank you Allah.

could you live without the computer?: nope. but try to add "High speed wifi", that'll be the one.

what's your favorite candy?: dark chocolate.

whats your favorite fruit?: Honeydew.

sunrise or sunset?: sunset.

what hurts the most? physical pain or emotional pain?: Emo is the one. Unhealthy emo, leads to damaged physical.

trust others way too easily?: yup.

are your fingers cold?: nope.

coke or pepsi: pepsi.

final questions...

I want: money

I wish: I get mumtaz this year.

I love: my family!

I miss: my crazy cuz and sis!

I fear: of getting older.

I hear: Azan Maghrib from nearest mosque.

I smell: my lavender Enchanteur body lotion.

I wonder: will I do it well? (exam fever)

Okies, gtg~ ^-^v

The World's Most shocking X-Rays~

This is today's yahoo's top news. Seriously amazing!

In this undated hand out picture shows an x-ray image of Chen Liu’s skull. Mr Liu’s badly decomposed body was found in marshland, after being shot repeatedly in the head with a high-powered nail gun.

A doctor displays an X-ray of Mohammad Yusuf’s stomach that shows a liquor bottle. Robbers accosted Yusuf, 30, and shoved the bottle up his rectum when he resisted.

An x-ray image of Chinese woman, Luo Cuifen, 29, needles are seen in her body, possibly imbedded under her skin by grandparents trying to kill her so that a baby boy might take her place.

X-ray taken of one of four prisoners at a maximum security prison in Zacatecoluca. Four cellular telephones were found in the intestines of as many prisoners in El Salvador’s maximum-security prison.

An x-ray showing a 17 centimetre (6.7 inches) pair of surgical scissors in the abdomen of 69-year-old Pat Skinner.Mrs Skinner had an operation at St.George hospital in Sydney’s south in May 2001, but continued to suffer intense pain and it was only when she insisted on an x-ray 18 months later that she discovered the scissors inside.

Facts sometimes have a strange and bizarre power that makes their inherent truth seem unbelievable.

---Werner Herzog

Pray for them~

I kept thinking about our brothers and sisters outside there, who cannot eat and sleep comfortably in their own land. Guns hold upon their head when they tries to walk freely on their own soil. Treated like a foreigner by those foreigners. Accused for doing things they had never done.

Let us all pray for them. We can't be there. But may our pray will change something. Maybe not now, maybe in the future, or maybe at the end of the world. Maybe this is one of the signs that we're nearer to the end of the world.

Help them, pray for them.

My Obsession: F.O.O.D.S~

Wagamama, City Star, Cairo, Egypt: It's a Japanese Food Restaurant.

Fish & Chips, German (Trust me, don't even try a bite of you are on a diet! Irresistible taste!)

Somewhere in Brussels. Buy 1 free 1 Fillet Burger. Delicious!

Arabic Foods, near Friend's Hostel, Paris

Fritz: It's a famous fries in Holland. Big fries, here I sip it with Peanut Sauce.

Buffet in Abu Dhabi's Hotel. It's mine, Dina's & Ulfa's.

7 Days Pizza, Zaqaziq, Egypt.

Meet Egyptian Foods! I know, seems a lil' bit...

Our lunch during Sakkara trip in Egypt. It's Kuftah (mashed meat) inside Eesh Baladi( Egyptian Bread)

Kribs, the reason why people come to Zaqaziq Egypt (Originally from France)

Meals of Casper, Zaqaziq (no longer on service)

Fruit Custard, BBQ Zaqaziq

Also BBQ Zaqaziq (Basmati rice with crushed nuts on top)

“When you wake up in the morning, Pooh,’ said Piglet at last, ‘what’s the first thing you say to yourself?’ ‘What’s for breakfast?’ said Pooh. ‘What do you say, Piglet?’ ‘I say, I wonder what’s going to happen exciting today?’ said Piglet. Pooh nodded thoughtfully. ‘It’s the same thing,’ he said.”

- A. A. Milne, ‘The House at Pooh Corner’

Bits of piece of my Come True'd' dream~

Brussels: Where there's snow, there'll be my name on it!

Somewhere in German: me and ulfa

Memorials Of Jews, German

German

Brussels: Manneken Pis (actually behind us is a doll of a boy peeing into the pool)

Madamme Tussaud, London (Princess Diana's)

London Eye

Standing on London Bridge, you can see London Tower behind.

I 'AM'STERDAM

Amsterdam

Somewhere in Amsterdam

Disneyland Paris
Disneyland Paris

Eiffel Tower, Paris

Eiffel Tower, Paris from far.

“The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page.”

– St. Augustine

“The use of traveling is to regulate imagination by reality, and instead of thinking how things may be, to see them as they are.”

– Samuel Johnson

“People travel to faraway places to watch, in fascination, the kind of people they ignore at home.” – Dagobert D. Runes

“No one realizes how beautiful it is to travel until he comes home and rests his head on his old, familiar pillow.”

– Lin Yutang

Lastly, my favourite travel quotes of all:

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”

– Mark Twain

I'm gonna travel around the world someday. And I know that 'SOMEDAY' will come. It's my dream, and it'll come true. May God's Will...

p/s: quotes from

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