Disoriented~

I was helpless last night.It was hectic,and I surrender.In the middle of the corner around my last paper for this final exam,I let myself drowned by this uncertainty.Don't know why during the peak of my study?Why during the most 'you better not waste your time' moment, it appear out of nowhere,asking me to think,think, and think.And thanks,in the end,I lose and I did what I shouldn't do.

It hurts like someone stabbed the knife directly to my chest.It hurts so much that I can't bear to pull myself together ignoring it for a while.I can't breath properly and it annoyed me.Too much thoughts.Till me neither can't choose which one is the truth,and which one is the result from my overused instinct.

Oh Allah,help Your helpless slave.I really need You.Please blow away all this bad feelings,all this uncertainty.Please show me which way should I choose.Please show me which one is my best pathway to go on.Allahu Ya Rabb.Help me..

Today will be the last day before our second paper of ObGyn.Alhamdulillah the first one goes smoothly as I wanted it to be.Alhamdulillah.Now the second,and I will try my best to let it pass smoothly.It's short notes and MCQ. Hundred of MCQ.

Allah,help me to focus on my study today.Don't let me waste anytime You've gifted.Help me Ya Allah.Lighten this heart to gain more knowledges, and clean it from any dirtiness.Amin..

Exciting countdown~

Counting days for ObGyn papers. And clinical. And then? pOOf! It's the end, end of my final exam, end of my final year in meds school. Exciting countdown I'm telling you. The excitement of waiting for this to end is far much more superior than the nervousness of the exams. Tsk..tsk..I know. I should focus on my exams more..;)

A lot of plans with Dina, to travel around Egypt. Since after being 6 years here, we haven't even climb Mount Of Sinai, or visit Matrouh, and Luxor. A must visit places in Egypt, and yes. No matter how, we will go there. Must! ^^

Also, counting days to go home is the most exciting calculation for me now. Going back to Malaysia as a true Malaysian this time. No more bothering myself about when to go back to Egypt, this homesick disease and so on. I'm back for good this time, iAllah amin.. I can't wait! Fams, hubby,gff, wait for me! <3

Okay, back to my books now. Wish me luck! ;))

Steve's words for my day~

Steve Jobs. My all time idol. Yes he is. The world known best man in expanding his big dream into reality. From an adopted boy of two non graduated parents, now he is the legend in the world of technology. Apple inc. That's his shadow of spirit after departed from this life.

I woke up this morning. Tidying up my messy room, spreading out my carpet as preparation for winter coldness, and then I sat in front of my General Surgery book. Getting my mind ready to swallow more facts, only then I realized, I was not as excited as I am before. Is this subject bored? Or is it my laziness that stopped my mind from savouring it's endorphins? Na ah. I need my morning motivational words.

Opening my youtube account, searching for motivational videos, and ended up clicking Steve Jobs video. Speech at Stanford University during their graduation day, it was such a beautiful speech. Devastating. Amazing. In just a moment, I got injected by his spirit of positivity, his confidence, his passion, and his discipline. :)

Here, watch it. And experience the excitement of new motivation.. ;)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gO6cFMRqXqU&feature=related

It was put with English Subtitle. Watch it. Trust me, you are not going to waste your 15 minutes. It's worth it. :)

Here I shared some of my favourite picked up quotation of his from this video.

" You can't connect the dots looking forward. You can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in the future. Because believe in the dots connect down the road, will give you confidence to follow your heart  even when it leads you off the well-worn path and that will make all the difference."

"I'm pretty sure non if this would have been happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith."

"I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I love what I did. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work, is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking, and don't settle." 

"Remembering that I'll be dead soon, is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything, all the external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure, these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart." 

 "Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by Dogma, which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinion drown out your inner voice." 

"And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."

Okay. Time to read. Good luck all~ :)

Final exam for the last chance~

Alhamdulillah~

It's the end of our round today. Goodbye radiology. And now, no more round to be attend to.. Officially, our study gap had started today. Less than a month, final will say hi. Even now I can see it's shadow waving just around me, telling me how close it is, showing me it can come closer enough any time, if I ever let myself lost within my procrastination.."It's your last chance dear, mumtaz said this is your last chance to get him." ;p

I need to readjust my study schedule tonight. Officially my nerdy part will come back home tomorrow. This crazy one sadly need to leave tonight. Too much to read, to understand, to memorize. InsyaAllah, where there's a will, there's a way. :)

Believe in yourself. That's what important. I believe in myself. I believe I can do my best. Result is Allah's job. He knew what's best for me. All I can control is my way of get myself ready. I will try my best in every way I can. InsyaAllah. Expecting the best is a must, so that even if you fall, you'll still fall among the best. Don't let expectation being the culprit of your tense environment of studying. Let it be calm and cool. Inhale deeply. Life need to be touched, not strangled. Be nice to yourself. The most important thing, use your time wisely. No regret awaiting. :)

Good luck all friends. We are going to be the first Malaysian student graduates from Zaqaziq University of Egypt. Lets strive for the best in this final year of ours~ 

"Sometimes we never really learn from the first mistake or the second or third. It only hits us when were given the last chance."---Unknown

A month more~

Slurrping hot pure nescafe without sugar and creamer. The exact satisfaction for a caffeine addict like me. Lately I have decided to change my sleep pattern. Staying up it is. Enduring Egyptian children roaring, plus shrilling horn across the street, I choose to read in this slam-bang environment.

Waking up earlier at two in the morning was good. Indeed the silence appropriately helpful if you are looking for a good concentration to read. But since our round sessions still ongoing, I can't hold my head much longer from 2 am in the morning, till the end of class at 2 pm. 12 hours straight? Don't forget my discussion with Deena straight after the end of classes. Till 5.30 pm.. @.@

My poor brain needs it's pretty rest. Metabolites can slow down your brain, said Dr Oz. So yes, staying up is my best option in the meantime. I'll try to adjust it back once my round sessions ended. :)

And one more thing. Today is 13th of October. Exactly a month away from my final exam. And yes, the aura of struggling and striving slowly crawling to it's peak. Adrenaline and endorphins begin reaching it's top limit. Sympathetic overcome parasympathetic. Diagnosis? Exam mode has officially been arrived today. Welcome sir! Your wish is my command~ ^__^

So wish me and my friends best of luck for our exam preparation. May Allah SWT always be with us, blessing us in our effort to gain more knowledge. Keep reminding oneself, that exam is not something you should be afraid of, not an excuse to be depressed or tension. It is just another test to push us to be more productive. Use this opportunity to gain more information, from books, internet, friends. One at a time. Appreciate the present moment. Enjoy. ;)

I have so much chaos in my life, it's become normal. You become used to it. You have to just relax, calm down, take a deep breath, and try to see how you can make things work rather than complain about how they're wrong. 

---Tom Welling

Mode: Bored + Study?~

I was sitting alone in my room. Enjoying my hot chocolate drink mixed with Kacip Fatimah Cafe', it was delicious enough to make me sit longer. I'm bored.

It's Thursday evening, where everyone is busy spending their time by resting, hanging out with others, sleeping, eat out. It's weekend for Egypt. Unlike Malaysia that's always Friday being the favourite day for Malaysian student, us here, Thursday it is. It's weekend, and I'm bored.

I felt empty this evening. Make myself busy by washing all my one week clothes, my spongebob, my jeans. I reach my wet tissues, wiping all those obvious dusts all over the place. Cleaning my fans. And now, it has already ended. So now, I'm bored again.

And now, I ended up posting. And taking pictures. Yes, it's final exam fever. Everyone has already begun. Me? Alhamdulillah, so far so good I think. And yes, I do have fever, like the real fever, 3rd day already. Headache, runny nose, lack of taste and smelling sensation, watery eyes, and breathing from my mouth. And yes, it is a complete annoyance. Be patience, tomorrow insyaAllah will be better. Although I hate taking antiflu, it force me to fall asleep, but I should take it to be better. Sick equal to 'no study' mode. I wanted to be healthy, means 'in study' mode. 

Here's are some random pictures of mine. My room looks like an office. That's how they described it. Study mode room they said. :)

A messy whiteboard sched~But helped me a lot. :)

A simple reminder.

Morning alarm. :)

Enough honeymoon~ :D

Everything must be in a happy mode. 

See? Spongebob also read with big smile~

My 3rd destination, after bed and lappy desk. (haish!)

Yosh!Study!

Wish me luck~ :)

Okehbai. ^^

No better time to be happy~

We told ourselves that life will be better after we finish our secondary school, that there'll be less rules to be obeyed, no more nagging parents to be stuck at home, no more school uniform to be ironed every night. But turned out to be worse than we can ever imagine. Surviving all by ourselves, schedule depends on our mind to set it up, where everything need your attention and alertness, fight with friends and the feeling were just hurt deeper than we are able to hold in.

We told ourselves that life will be better if our partner begin to put himself together, be matured enough to be   your spouse, nicer car, nicer house, going on a nice vacation when we retire.

The truth is, there's no better time to be happy than right now. If not now, when?

Our life will always be full of challenges. Each stages of our life, challenges always be there. From school's life, and now university's life, admit it. We were all have been through a lot, every time. It is best to admit it to yourself and just be happy now. We'll face it anyway, we'll get through it anyway. So why don't we would just be cool, enjoy each moment given?

As for me, I choose to treasure every moment that I have, and I'll treasure it more when I spent it with someone special, special enough to shared my time with. Because I just knew, time will wait for no one. It'll be just moving along with our life, no pause, no rewind, just plain forward. And to treasure it, happiness is the way. There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way. Yes it is indeed. :)

So, why don't we would just stop waiting? Stop waiting.... until we finish exams, until we graduate, until you lose 10 pounds, or gain 10 pounds, until you get married, or break up with your partner, until you started to work, or lose your job, until you got kids, or until the kids graduate from high school...

Deena: she knew how to turn my crazy button on.

There is no better time to be happy, everyone. The time is now. The present moment. So smile, laugh, enjoy each moment gifted with your loved one. Be happy. ^^

"For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, or a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life."---Alfred D. Souza

Random morning~

The moment that I opened my eye, looking at my phone. It's 1.30 am in the morning. Where every eyes were still closed tightly, to washed out all the metabolites built up inside their brain. I tried to sleep again, but failed. The sound of my fan and the door of my Egyptian neighbour slammed slowly. Clearly entering my ear's orifice.
I sit blankly. Fallen asleep at 7 pm last night. Now my brain says enough sleep dear, time to wake up and read. My eyes were half awakened, since I try to close it again, but further stopped by the command from my higher centre. I decided to stand up and get refresh. Splashing my face with the coldest tap water, with a delicious hot coffee on my table, it's perfect. Now my morning is ready to be filled with smile and learn.
Alhamdulillah.. Anaesthetic says goodbye yesterday. And yes, I don't feel sad. Not one of my all time favourite subject. While Mr Rays says hello today. And yes. I don't feel the joyous of introducing new friend here. Not a hardcore fan of imaging. Hope that this bad impression will turned out to be something to the opposite of now. InsyaAllah.. Love will exist at the exact perfect time, same goes to love for X-Ray insyaAllah. :)
Okay.. Let us start now. No more procrastinate. No more regret of wasting every second gifted. Let's read and learn. Discover new knowledge. Revising old facts. And enjoy the excitement of the spirit of curiosity. :)

Amy Grant
More important than talent, strength, or knowledge is the ability to laugh at yourself and enjoy the pursuit of your dreams.

^^

Another vers of camwhore~

I was discussing Obgyn with Dina this afternoon, until I stuck on her i-Pad while she's praying Asar. Giggling alone looking at her gallery collections. Too much photos. Of us. Yes. Everywhere, anywhere, it's all about snapping and uploading. It's unnoticeable since I've changed my facebook page into the private one. Compared to our previous years of non stoppable camwhore habit, during friendster's era, hundreds of photos were taken in a day. Wow, if only photos equal to money. Huh... :)

Here are some random photos I took from Dina's i-Pad. You can tell how tired the camera is. Seeing our faces every second. ;D

After failed 3 times.

Foods are what we're waiting for.

Don't you just love the combination of pinky and bluish? :)

Mochachino is the must order one.hmmm..delly2!

Sushi by Otousan Mira and Pinky Jelly by Miss Husna~

Promoting neurology. poyo sikit la. ;p

4 times failures. And walla! Our hand finally met at the right spot.

KFC says thank you for promoting us.

Can I say I was overconfident about my braces? :D

Poyo once again.

Another version of braces overconfident moment.

We were imagining it would be like ombak rindu poster ka, but turned out to be like..BLANK..Sekian.;p

My favourite of all~ we took like half an hour to edit this one!

That's all. I love photos, since it can remind us of how amazing our life is, especially when you enjoy spending it with your besties. Memories can be eternalized by photographies. Right? :)

Ok, time to say hello to my love, my bed..

p/s: Dina challanged me on doing something beginning tomorrow, and the result will be reported to her by this Tuesday. I know it's easy for me to do, so I accepted it. With one condition, she must do the same. Hehe, I know how amazing she is, so I will buy her present tomorrow. As for me, she better buy it. I know I can make it true. What? Na ah. It's a secret. (Another version of poyo). :))

Random again~

Walla~
It's another version of awaken without the help of my alarm. Yes, and guess what? I'm proud of it. Meaning that I had a full quality of sleep last night. It's 2.30 in the morning, I wake up fresh, reaching my mineral water, gulping as much as I wanted, at the same time, with full of trust from the online article, that drinking plain water in the morning can washed out your built up toxins overnight. I trust it. With hope that all my bad toxins will be excreted along with my insensible and sensible water loss. Please clear up my uninvited adult acne also. Haih.. :(

It's 4th of October, means in less than 2 months we will be facing our final exam. Classes begin to packed up, clinical round become a must attend class since there might be the patient for our clinical exams, and yet, so sad we will have to compete with the so big big and strong Egyptian, men and women. I guess just a glimpse over the patient's face will be enough for us.Huh.. Not to mention about our lost Saturday holiday, filled with Prof. Dr. Hamdun lecture of General Surgery. Luckily I love him and his way of teaching, so I think it's worth it. Yey!

Okay, that's all folk. Got lotsa topics to cover. Discussion with Dina is coming to it's end, alhamdulillah. And now, discussion with my fellow study group mate has just begun. It's going to be hectic and fast. But we'll try to do our best here. Allah knew what's best for us, remember? So, it's okay to be tired and busy. So long you tried. And don't forget to bring along the 'Tawakkal' inside. It's a must to keep calm and stay positive. Expectation is a must, but don't let it be the factor for your depressed and tension way of studying. Keep calm, and read. Don't forget to enjoy your coffee and chocolate. Raise your endorphin level for a better concentration and mood.

Heee... :)

Random thoughts~

Twirling my headphone wire, humming along with Clazziquai Project's song that I'm listening to, sipping my hot hot mocha drink, absorbing myself into my amazing tasty Galaxy Chocolate Hazelnuts bar...aaah..How can I be thankful enough to those who created coffee and chocolate..

It was 2.30 in the morning. I woke up early lately. Not because of the exam fever campaign. Na ah. But thanks to my alteration of biological clock, now my brain commending me to fall asleep exactly at 8 pm, everyday. And as for me, 6 hours of high quality bed rest was enough to wake me up at 2 am, not even by the roaring of my alarm. :)

Sitting alone in the middle of this early morning, just me. I read my General Surgery book, volume 2, with passion. Only accompanied by the sound of cat fighting at the ground floor, and with the dim of light from my table lamp, I was able to enjoy my reading. Hundred percent of concentration might not be achieved, but I just love this miracle loneliness. A feeling of loneliness that you can actually enjoy. 

Final examination is just around the corner. Day by day, I can see the shadow of tension and awkwardness between us. Everyone is struggling. And I'm not excluded. It is our final year, and all of us were striving hard enough to reach for the best. We are all big enough to act smart, rather than unnecessary unhealthy tension for bad competition. We were all putting ourself more on improving ourself, our results, and our way of studying, rather than comparing with each other to stand out within the crowd. Nope. Not anymore. :)

That's it. It's random. I know. But looking at the calendar, showing me, that we are already approaching winter season, and of course, insyaAllah, to be our last winter here, I just feels like posting today. 

6 years here. Can you imagine? It's already creeping to the end. How time flies so fast. And I just love how living in foreign country really thought me a lot. From managing my inner self, to properly manage my outside appearance. I found my inner peace. I begin to practice inner peace meditation. I know how to appreciate things we already have, and not depressing myself in order to get things that I wish I have. Because I just knew, gratitude will always be followed by dream come true surprises. I just knew, because it happen to me, almost everyday. Alhamdulillah..

Let us all enjoy the present moment. Forget about other's judgement. It's their problem. Not us. Focus on what makes you happy. Volla~  <3

^^

 “Don’t postpone joy until you have learned all of your lessons. Joy is your lesson.” 

~Alan Cohen

Lastly, enjoy this soothing Clazziquai song~ :)

Time to act~

Now. My mind kept telling me, NOW. 

But my body? NO.

Ugh! Final exam is just around the corner. In less than 2 months! Yes. And my study? Nadah! Slow motion, slower than the snail that carrying miracidia of schistosoma in their body. How can I be so slow? I want the old me! Fast, active, exciting! Where is me? Come back home now please! I need you!

I gotta start. No more procrastinating. Enough honeymoon dear. Time to act. Remember? Mumtaz is waiting. Bi iznillah. Aamiin.

"Don't take rest after your first victory. Because if you fail in second, more lips are waiting to say, that first victory was just luck. "--- Anonymous 

Cruel judges~

It's a top secret. What secret? It's a story about a pregnant woman who's getting married soon. Soon? You mean she's preggy before nikah? Wow.. What kind of girl is that? Tudung labuh, tengok lelaki pun tidak..ended up? Pregnant!

Labelled? HYPOCRITE!

Have you ever heard about this kind of funny story? About these kind of people who blindly judging others as they wish. Tired of them right? If it was me, they would have taste the sweetness of my free sized palm. On their pretty cheek. Yes. They deserved it. The same way they think they deserve to judge and punish others.

Words hurt. We all knew it. The worse the action. You talk behind them, you exposed their aib. You acknowledge the crowd to isolate them. Hmm... How killing someone slowly really work well with these technique.

It's worse when the person is someone who had great past history in our eyes. She's nice, super nice. She's alim, she's tawaduk and so on. And one small mistakes she did, poof! All the good things disappear. Just like that. Huh... Cruelty is everywhere. 

Can we just stop it? Who are you to judge people? Stop punishing others! You are not Allah. We are not God. It's Allah's job. Only He Knew what's really going on. It's their time of trial, so give them a chance to learn from it. Focus on yourself. All of us have our own trial, easy or hard way. Focus! And stop putting your nose into other's business. 

All we can really do is watch and learn. Avoid the same mistakes they have done. Talking behind them doesn't helping at all. Respect others. We are all standing on the same level. If you really love to say something about it, say it to them. Talk to them. Give them advice, directly. In a smooth way. Cara berhikmah. That's what we can do. Judging? Punishing? It's Allah's job. Not us. So stop acting like one.

 ‎"Sesungguhnya apabila aku menasihati kamu, bukanlah bererti akulah yang terbaik dalam kalangan kamu, bukan juga yang paling soleh atau solehah dalam kalangan kamu, kerana aku juga pernah melampaui batas untuk diri sendiri.Seandainya seseorang itu hanya dapat menyampaikan dakwah apabila dia sempurna, nescaya tidak akan ada pendakwah, maka akan jadi sedikitlah orang yang memberi peringatan."      -Imam Hassan Al Basri-

I heart bone~

I say yes to orthopaedic! I lurrrve ortho.

I know it might sound annoying to some people, since so far that I know, a lot of my friends were not so in love with this hardcore subject. Well, can't argue to that. Since I used to be one of them.

Yes, I used to say 'uff' to ortho. But not because of the subject, but the lecture's environment, it's so dark and quiet, and I tend to sit at the most behind, and ended up watching the doctor talking personally with some people in front. It's kind of depressing situation where you can only watch and listen, without understanding anything. Wasting of time and energy. That's what I felt. Extreme, isn't it? :)

But since now I'm already in the 'Special Surgery' team, ortho does captured my heart. Thanks to our first day doctor, Prof. Dr. Khaled, the so 'grandfather' like guru, teaching us with patience and smile. Obviously we didn't read before attending the round, but he always brings up some of his amazing story about his experience as an ortho surgeon to make us less confused and stop us from creating our own headache of laziness. It's amazing, and I sometime can lose far far away imagining how exciting his experiences are. He is smart and hardcore. A total hardcore. I love him!

Actually, this 16th of August will be our last day of ortho round, and for sure, I'll miss ortho. The doctors, the air-cond, and the fractured bone pictures. We'll have our end round exam this week, just before holiday of Raya Aidilfitri. X-ray it is, spot diagnosis. Wish us all best of luck! InsyaAllah... :)

"The only source of knowledge is experience"--- Albert Einstein

What makes me happy~

Deena said, “Make a list of three things that makes you happy. “

Why? My main problem is, I usually don’t know what’s the reason behind my smile, or my tears.

Sometimes I tend to laugh out loud at everything, even when my doctors said directly to my face, you don’t study hard enough, I tend to just smile and take it easy bitsy.

Another time, tears of unknown etiology burst out of my eyes. Neither because of chemical trauma like cutting onions, nor emotional trauma like grieving for something loses.

It’s just of unknown etiology. Which lead me to this whole confusion. Why am I being depressed, sad, and down all of sudden? And Deena will be my only choice to talk and cry on the phone. She will be confused as well when she figured out that I don’t have any specific reason to cry. “You must at least know what’s going on in your mind, in order to stop your worries.” (As usual, my rock n roll babe words of wisdom always worked! J )

That’s so right. Knowing what’s in your mind. Knowing everything inside there, will lead you to gain the happiness you’ve ever wanted, and avoid unnecessary sadness that will ruin your whole beautiful day.

So now, I wanted to let you all know, what’s the three reasons that make me being one of those cool, fun, and cheerful girl. That nothing can take my way, even the harshest and most violent words or acts thrown on my face.

1)  Good foods:

Remember my last post about how I really fall in love with variety of foods? Now I know how foods really spiked up my endorphin level. Eating good foods does make my day, even during the worst situation ever. It doesn’t have to be a big feast. It can be done even with just a bar of chocolate, and a glass hot mocha. Or a slice of moist chocolate cake, and fruit salads with hazelnut milkshake. As long as it tastes good, it can make me smile full with satisfaction. Also, cooking and baking can be therapeutic indication for me when I’m tired of reading those meds books. Seeing friends or family enjoying the cake or desert I’m making can take even more pleasure for me.

2)  Travelling:

I love new places, new people, and new environment. Especially those cold winter time, it’s my favorite season of all. Travelling even just for a few kilometers from my home already can make me feel the greatest pleasure out of it. Seeing different new things does educate me a lot. It open my mind about other’s culture, teach me to be more grateful, and appreciation of Allah’s amazing creations. Also, travelling with family does strengthen the bond with each other. We laugh and play like a child together, taking crazy pictures. It’s just fun and worth to remember. One day when I get married, I wanted to take my husband and children to travel to a lot of places whenever us got a chance to do so.

3)  Family:

I’m not yet married, but I do have some ideas about the perfection of imperfect relationship. We often heard in the house, full of frustrations, anger, and sadness. But at the same time, we’ll never forget the moment of laughter shared together in the house. There are no perfect relationships, but it’ll be perfectly awesome when we do our best to keep each other happy. Tolerance + respect. By Allah’s bless, insyaAllah it’ll be perfectly perfect. This is what I learned from my mom and dad. And how I and my bros and sis become much more closer as we grown up.  

So, now that I know what’s really make me happy. And a happy thoughts always ended with a happy ending in everything… Next time, what if we think about what makes us unhappy? It might help us to overcome each somnolence day by knowing the reason.. J

“You’re today where your thoughts have brought you, you will be tomorrow where your thoughts take you.”--- James Allen

Last round~

Another new round in the corner. It's special surgery. If General Surgery used to be my so called 'honeymoon' period, now, special surgery, as special as it's name, is the one I would like to call,
'urgency' period. :)

Here comes the non stop exam round. Here in special surgery, we have 6 subtopics in total. Beginning with Orthopaedic, followed by Urology, Radiology, Anaesthetic, Cardiothoracic, and lastly, Neurosurgery. Too much right? The truth is, it's not that much actually. Each subject consists of brief knowledge only, for our level as undergraduates. But since it's just brief and in a short period of time, everything had to be packed up. Basic knowledge is a must. Attending classes without it, is like watching someone talking in a different languages.
So, read first before each classes. No specific book? Search more on-line article about the surgery, videos. We might not get it as a whole, but catching some terms and ideas does helpful for a better understanding in the round. As all the doctor assumed we already finished the lectures of special surgery, so teaching clinical directly in round is their preferences.

So, what do you waiting for? Pumped up your adrenaline gush! It's time for a new challenge! And insyaAllah will be the last one, before the final year exam. How fast time fly.

Read! Explore! Get yourself activated! Be excited and curious! Feed your brain with this new delicious knowledges! :)

"Cintai ILMU kerana sesungguhnya dari ilmu lahirlah kefahaman. Maka bila kefahaman telah terbentuk manusia tidak akan lari daripada perjuangan."

Face it~

It’s finally showing. I guess, it’s true after all. One at a time is true. Stop being anxious about what’s coming, stop being sad about the past, and enjoy the present, make it as memorable as we can.

It’s Allah’s plan. And we all know how beautiful His plan for us. One time we laugh, the other time, we were just sitting at one side, crying how hard this life is. But in the moment, we keep reminding ourselves, it’s just another rainy day. Sooner or later, when the time comes, Allah will surprise you with an amazing colorful rainbow. Trust me, the time will definitely come. And that’s when you realize, how near Allah is.

I guess following the flow does working. Life is full of challenges, and I will not run away when it comes. Be harmonizing with it. Let the challenge be reason for your life to be exciting and unpredictable. Take it. It’s just another pathway to explore. You’ll never know what kind of amazing place it is in the end. And for sure, one way to explore it is only by facing it. Don’t just run away. Play with it. 

The Prophet (Blessings and Peace be upon him) said in an authentic hadith:
“And know that victory comes with patience and that relief comes with hardship.”

Alhamdulillah~

Hellopzz!It's been a long time right? Two months passed, and I still don't have any interesting thing to share here. But realizing my so lagged post updates, I decided to share my random thoughts here.

Right now, I'm in exam mode. My end round OBGYN exam is just around the corner, and yet, I'm not even 80% ready for it. Why? Not to blame others, except of course, me. My mind already preoccupied by other thing.

The smile that can change my bad day
 to the greatest one.

What is it? It's my father. Been diagnosed as thyrotoxic patient since the last 7 months. I was shocked. Not to mention my mom. But known as an 'iron-faced' lady, I try my best to act cool as if it's just a simple noodle case, nothing to worry about. But deep inside, everyone was struggling. It's hard you know. I learn a lot about thyroid diseases. I remember every details clearly, as for me, endocrine is a super exciting subject to read. But who knew, it just happen.

Months of worries finally ended. Today, my father undergo total thyroidectomy, which is after hours of discussion with my brother, which one to do. Simple lobectomy, partial or total thyroidectomy? We discuss everything thoroughly, each advantage and risks. And that's it. I say, total it is! Hours of restlessness finally paid up, for good. I received the greatest news ever from Nana, my bro's girl, saying my dad's operation already done, and he already awake and talk normally. That moment, only Allah knew. I cried so hard, harder than before he was operated. Thank you Allah!

So now, I can deviate my mind back to my OBGYN books. Few days more. All I can do is to read as much as I can. Allah love His slave who tried hard, who never say "I can't" before timed. I'll just do my best! It's a small exam, but as we all know, in medicine, each mark brings big effect towards our final result. :)

Alhamdulillah Ya Allah. Syukur ke hadrat Ilahi~

Mode: Let's read! :)) Good luck all~

It's a BABY!~

I'm super excited right now! And the reason is, finally I get to see the real delivery process! Like, real!

Luckily, I get to pull Yana along. With my still spastic neck muscle, I was so excited to attend the Emergency Unit of O&G. And million thanks to our cute Dr. Manam, he conduct us all the way.

Just as soon as I walked inside the building, I have this feeling of being a great surgeon! Haha, still a dream though. The first case, was vaginal delivery, but not normal delivery since it was complicated by vaginal tear extending to the urethra. Poor mum, she screamed out loud when the doctor suture it right away. Without anaesthetic. Yeah, I know what you're thinking. ;p

For the second case, it's C.S (Caesarian Section). This madam was one of the nurse worked here in this hospital. Also, this is her forth time undergo C.S. The doctor expected it to be much more difficult since there is extensive scarring from previous operations. He first emptied her bladder with catheter to avoid injuring it as the bladder might be adhered to the uterine wall. Also, estimated blood loss must be less than 1L. Alhamdulillah, everything went smoothly, and she got a cute baby boy! With lotsa hair!

For the third case, vaginal delivery also. The baby was delivered with Occipito-posterior position. Malposition actually. But I didn't see the whole process, and ended up entering the room while the baby was already delivered. Maybe he was delivered by normal mechanism. But the baby was okay, and there is no extensive vaginal tear. So I assumed it was a normal mechanism after all. But we focus on delivering the placenta and the membrane this time. The doctor use 'Controlled Cord Traction' method. ( Brandt-Andrews). After that, he explore the uterus for any remnants. Trust me, his whole hand was inside her! That's when the mum started to scream. 0_0"

The forth case, was another C.S, but this time, it was a complicated case. We call Placenta Previa. Prone to faced a severe postpartum haemorrhage, the doctors decided to terminate the baby before it's viability. 24 weeks, and for sure, we'll lost the baby. (Doctor's word)

The fifth case, also vaginal delivery. And this time, we get to see the second stage of delivery as a whole. The mother took a while to deliver the head, since she don't have that much contraction to pull the baby out. Assisted by Oxytocin drips, the baby finally out! Smaller, but we can hear she's crying.

Seriously. It was like, how on earth a living creature coming out from a human body? It's a beautiful yet astonishing thing to see. A big thanks to our mum. And biggest thanks to the only one, Allah SWT...

Beautiful, that's all I can say. Beautiful... :)

Ouch!Spasm!

It's been 4 days already. And my neck still hurt like hell. Seriously.

Diagnosed as severe muscle spasm, I don't even know how did it occur in the first place. I was lying down, ready to take a nap, suddenly my neck twisted at one point, producing a loud click sound. I ended up lying down passively, can't move at all. Luckily my house-mate were alert enough. They bring me to the nearby hospital, did an X-Ray, and diagnosed as severe muscle spasm by this kind neurologist.

My 3 days neck collar

Already missed two days classes. And I feel terrible for that. Seeing my friends coming back from classes, I can see the difference between them and me. I felt completely bored at home. I can't even move freely. The analgesics made me sleepy all day long. And I hate intramuscular injection! It hurts!

3 days IM injection

Huhu... Tomorrow insyaAllah I'll try to attend classes. Since I need to manage my letter of getting permission to go home next week, I must come no matter how hurt my neck is. May everything goes smoothly. Amin.

“Tidaklah seorang muslim tertimpa suatu penyakit dan sejenisnya, melainkan Allah akan mengugurkan bersamanya dosa-dosanya seperti pohon yang mengugurkan daun-daunnya”.(HR. Bukhari no. 5660 dan Muslim no. 2571).

Trust~

" You shouldn't trust anyone. Listen, face it. All of us have the highest tendency to compete with each other. Even with your what so called "BFF" or "GFF" whatsoever. So, keep your faith and trust just to yourself. 100% within you. Keep in your mind, no one, I mean, NO ONE will ever help you except you, yourself."

Ever heard this astonishing yet amazing statement? I know it seems completely sarcastic and cruel. Not to trust people around you? 

Well, I can't really comment a lot about this matter. It's their point of view. For me, of course everyone wanted to be the best. Even among the best. And that's where the competition started. Healthy or not, it depends on ourself to evaluate and perceived it. Remember the famous saying? ' No one can make you down without your permission.'

What do you think? To trust or to not trust? Haha.. Life's always complicated. People change. And so yourself.  If they want to climb up to the top, and so do you. That's life. That's human needs. Their thirsts of hearing compliments and praises. Money and power. 

So let them be. They wanted to play dirty? Let them. The key is, always keep yourself together. Never let them break you down. Stand on your feet. Not by other's cane to keep you stable. So that, whenever they decided to disappear and left you alone, you can still stand perfectly.

For me, I don't let myself rely on anyone. I do have the habit of sharing what I think, what I wanted to do to others. I do have the longing to take advices from others, day by day in order to keep me aware and alert. It doesn't matter any more. I'll just take the good thing. I'll just keep the positives. That's how I nourished myself with happiness and less worries.

If they said, "NO ONE WILL EVER HELP YOU EXCEPT YOURSELF," then I'll complete the sentence to be a better advice to take. "BUT REMEMBER, NO ONE CAN EVER STOP YOU EITHER, EXCEPT YOURSELF."

So dear all. Chill. Cheer. Relax, cool, and love more, give more. Don't be over thinking, since it might twists you mind around. Enjoy life as it is. 

Okay. Good luck all~ 

New round~

I'm excited! Why? Because finally it is our time to attend Obstetric and Gynaecology Round! Yay! I know it might sound a little bit sarcastic. It's just a matter of shifting round. But for me, farewell to my love honeymoon period in General Surgery Round, and now the excitement of Adrenaline gush finally come. 

My friend who used to be in this O&G round were all excited and love this round. I mean, those females. They were excited to explore new mystery about how new life produced. Most of them determined to be specialist in this area. But not me. YET. Who knows I'll become one of them by time? :)

I hope this new round will be smoother. May us all in Group A can grasp each knowledge smoothly and firmly! InsyaAllah, amin..

p/s: I will be absent for 2 weeks in row! Gosh I'm worried right now!

Broken inside~

I was crying so hard. But I don't actually know why. Too much thoughts in mind. It's suffocating and sad. I was looking for someone to talk to. But since everyone were so busy for their becoming exam, I tried not to take any of their valuable time. I was trying hard to grip every strength I had to stand still. But at last, I ended up being loss and broken. I cried out each tears that I've been trying to hold in these previous days.

The thing is, I don't even know what's the reason. If I do, it might be a little bit lighter to carry on with it. But I don't. I was sad for no reason. My head hurts as if it's about to explode, but the fact that there's nothing actually burdening me, it's just strangled enough to make me down.

Is this a sign that I've becoming farer? I mean, I don't have the calm feeling that I used to have before. Is it because I've become much farer from Him? Allah, please forgive me for everything I've done. Please help me facing this situation strongly. Help me find the peace within myself. Free me from these suffocation and tiredness. Please Ya Allah...

"Wajah yang dibasahi oleh air mata kerana takutkan Allah s.w.t.., walau bagaimana sedikit pun air mata itu, terselamat dari api neraka."

Today is a brand new day for me. Let us all pray, insyaAllah it'll be far much better day than yesterday. Be stronger, be mindfulness, be much more organized. Throw away all those dirtiness inside our heart. Don't give them a chance to even leave any stain inside. Be clear and pure. Love each seconds we have. Appreciate others love and care. Be kind to others.

Allahu Ya Rabb, I love you~

Stuck and uploading~

Okay. Now it's time for my 'stuck' mode. And when I'm stuck, I do things that bring me a little bit far from the causative focus. Here's some bits and pieces of my pictures with my besties during our one week holidays. Ugh... How I can't wait for another long holidays, Luxor, Syam El- Sheikh, Sinai. Still got a lot of places here in Egypt. Okay. I need to continue with my study after this. So, here's the pictures. :)

And yes. These pictures didn't show exactly the places. Thanks to our lack of 'high-tech' cam. Using Dina's iPad only. Huhu. By the way, I can't wait for another holiday to hang out with these naughty-naughty girls! Okies~ Wish me luck for my General Surgery exam! :) p/s: Here I leave you with these amazing quotes. Especially for those who've being filled with a lot of worries nowadays. Yeah, that's me. Chill!

"Never let life's hardships disturb you ... no one can avoid problems, not even saints or sages." ---Nichiren Daishonen

Ask yourself this question: "Will this matter a year from now?" ---Richard Carlson