Have faith~

Indeed, Allah know what is best for you. Have faith in Him. Everything happen for a reason. There's always a good behind the bad. And there might be some bad behind those goods. We'll never know. All we can do is just move on with our living, filled with abundance of gratitude and remembrance of Allah. Hoping that everything will be fine some day. 

Our life is like a book. A written book. Finished book since us as a tiny lifeless meat inside our mom's womb. Everything has been written tidily and perfectly. Our earnings, our partner, time of death. All of it. It's Allah's will. By His will only, things happen. 

So, why should we filled out heart and mind with worries? Fears? Sorrows? 

Me. Punishing myself with non stop worrying. I want it. I wanted it so bad, that I'm afraid I might lose it. I'm scared of losing it. I cried so hard hoping that it won't go away. I wanted to hold it tightly, so tight that it can never slip away from my hand. I can't sit calmly, I think too much about it, I feel unease and tangled.

Until I get to sit on the sejadah today, wearing my telekung, done sujud as long as I wanted. The calmness finally arrived. Just like that, all the negative feelings flown away. I can breath with ease. It's like a whisper that came softly into my heart. Yes. Once I put my feet on the sejadah, this whisper came to me. "Have faith in Allah. Allah knows what's best for his slave. Don't worry, if the thing meant to be yours, by Allah's will, it will come to you. Now or later, if it meant to be with you, it will." 

Allah, how lovely Your Mercy is. Syukran Ya Allah. Syukran..

Stop worrying, dear self. Pray. Ask for Allah's help. Never stop asking. As Allah loves His slave that always performed  Du'a. Keep asking. Keep praying. Keep hoping. With full of believes and faith. Allah loves me. I know. And I love Allah with my whole heart. There's no better way of expressing your fears and sadness, other than Him.. Alhamdulillah, I have Allah..

"And who so ever believe in God, He guide his heart. And God is Knower of all things."---64:11

Exhausted ~

It's a long long long day for me today. Completely exhausted. Feels like dying. Lying flat on my bed all day long. I can't enjoy any musics. Slow one reminds me of this bizarre situation I am in today. Fast one reminds me of that someone who I might missed so much and cry so hard for. Things got really twisted up, and everything kept bouncing up and down inside my head. The old and recent stories. It's too dramatic, yet, that's the type of relationship I just get myself into. Tiresome. But I choose to fight, and at the same time, hurt and cries.

 Things solved just now. For sure, as expected, one will bursting out to tears, non stop, which is me, and the other one walked away happily with boosted smile on the face. I cried. My eyes hurt so much. Feels like my eyeballs will pop out this orbit in no time. Plus, my eyelids seems more Chinese look like right now.

After cried out loud with my pillow and spongebob, and cried over the phone with my girl, Dina, who's still wondering why I cried so hard just now, now I feel a little bit lighter. Although this heaviness over my chest still present, at least I can breath smoothly now. A little smoother..

I splashed my face with the coldest winter water, and prep my face to sleep with Isis Serum and eye gel. I drink lots lotsa water to cool down my throat and heart. Lying on my bed, dragging along my lappy, put it on my lap, and watch some hilarious youtube videos. Stuck with JLovesMac1 videos, she's cool and funny, my mind still blankly thinking about other thing. The fact that things were just happen today, and still freshly baked in my mind, I just can't stop myself rewinding all those heartbreaking and suffocating episodes.

I ended up watching videos about 'break ups'. How to handle it, how to get over it, how to do it, when is the right time to do so, why we need break ups, and so on. It helped a lot actually. Yes, I never thought it would, but it just did. And so I watched this video, also by JLovesMac1, telling on how to get over the break up. She was telling the right thing here. In her own mediocre way. I love her tips.

I know I may sound a little bit weird. Sad story, but not so sad way of telling it. I'm completely unstable right now. Mentally I mean. I'm tired. I need my beauty sleep, since it was stolen from me last night by this unhappy event.

Okay, gotta go. I need to act happy. I am happy! Well, at least I have something to wait for. Which is it? Sinai hiking tour! This 1st of Feb till the 3rd. Pray for our safety. We will enjoy the hike for sure. Plus, counting days to go back home. Huhu... I missed my dad the most in this critical emotion of mine. ;'(

Okay all.. Good night. Remember dear self, Allah always watching. :')

"Why Am I so scared of losing you when you are not even mine?"---Anonymous 

Home~

Alhamdulillah~

Finally home.Since yesterday.And yes,it feels great.Just realized how I missed my room so much,that I can sleep soundly last night.I just missed the odour of my spongebob,my bed sheet,my room.I missed my wide bathroom,and my broad kitchen.Aah..There's no place like home.

Today,there are plenty of things I've started.One of them is my diet regime.Previously,I was kind of practising this yo-yo diet.By restricting carbs,stop savouring my all time favourite,chocolates.And ended up with rebound and bloating.Bad idea,bad action.So now,I'm doing my usual diet regime,which is,portion control.So,wish me luck!

And...finally I can join Sinai hiking this February!Yeah!It's a 3 days 2 nights trip. Alhamdulillah. It's one of my to do list before heading back to Malaysia. Hee~Excited! So, starting tomorrow, insyaAllah me and Dina will start to sweat ourself out by jogging along the riverside in the morning. So.. It'll be some bonus for my weightloss goal~ ;)

I'm spending my time more by reading since last night. I prefer reading this religious books. Just to clear up this dirty head and mind. And alhamdulillah, I do feel the ease and calmness. Alhamdulillah.. Wish me luck on my way to be a better muslimah. Aamiin.. :)

Okay dear all~ In less than a month, I'll be back to Malaysia. Gosh! I can't wait!

p/s: My dearest one is having his exam this Friday. May Allah ease his exam smoothly, brighten the darkness in his heart, and clear up his tongue to answer every questions smoothly. And may the examiner hear his answer with calmness and patience. Amin Ya Allah. Amin..

Power is so characteristically calm, that calmness in itself  has the aspect of strength.---Edward G. Bulwer-Lytton

Worries~

Life is full with worries. Enough said. Stop worrying about the future, stop clinging onto the pasts, and enjoy the present moment. It's a famous saying that undoubtedly motivate us all. We were all remind ourself each day, non stop, to make it more practical, more than just words said. Enjoy the present moment..

But as usual.. Speaking is far much easier than doing. And to be a doer, a strong heart and determination is needed. And to have those, gratitude and peaceful are required. The must have attitude for a better joyousness.

But how can we achieve inner peace? I admit it. I may seem a good laugher, a woman with less problems. Someone who can overcome awkward or tense situation easily. Who ignore all those drama and rather focus on her happiness. I'm that kind of woman. And people often asked me some ways on how to manage their anxiousness, their sadness, worries, and anger. Not to mention those kiddies who stressed out over their body. Well, in other words, I'm a psychiatrist plus minus a dietitian.. *maybe*

The thing is, we will never be happy, completely. Each laugh, each smile on our face, will always be  accompanied with worries and sadness. Some people shop a lot, and she felt happy about that. And at the same time, she felt guilty for spending too much on unnecessary things. Same goes to the girls that enjoying their favourite meal. Filled with delicious cheese, plus mind freezer desert. At that moment, she's worried over her calories intake, her waist circumference.

See? People always filled with worries. There's no perfect time to be happy. I think, as for me, life is all about reacting the way you wanted it to be. Express everything. Laugh. Cry if you wanted to. Just express everything. Be mad, yell. It's all the negativity that built up inside your heart, that needs to be expelled. That's why there are saying like this, "Speak Up Your Mind."

I was alone here. Kind of. Since my temporary house mate were asleep at day time, so technically, I am alone. And loneliness drive me crazy. Well, in term of thinking, not the usual kind of craziness. I tend to think a lot, bored, and think a lot again. And a lot if thinking driven me to those negativity.

Okay, I think I've typed too much this time. This finger can't really be stopped at the time of boredom like this. I need to stop mumbling. Anyway, wish me luck to gain those positivity soon. I need to stop worrying, and start living an exciting life. ;)

May my listed to do items be achieve before I fly back to Malaysia. A month more. Wish me luck~ :)

Worries does not take away tomorrow's troubles, it takes away today's peace.

Hijrah~

Simple post for today.

I do have the keen to change my clothes. My hijab. I wanted it to be bigger, secured, and nice. Not tight, not see through. I wanted to walk around without man looking. I hate their weird gaze, as if you were a food. It's scary, and annoying. But that's what happen when a woman passing with these improper clothes.

Astaghfirullah. I knew I'm not that good. I'm bad. It's like reversing myself towards the time of Jahiliyyah. I was blind folded by trends, by a lot of other things. And it was all depend on me to resist it, to think wisely, and decide which is best for me. 

In Syaa Allah. By Allah's will, I will move myself towards a better muslimah. Hijrah towards a better me. I am on my way. Even though sometimes there are some seduction that pull me away from my planned road. Pray for me. Help me to be better. 

Thank you Allah, for Your loves. For You showing me the right way before it's too late.

 “Hana, everything that God made valuable in the world is covered and hard to get to.
Where do you find diamonds? Deep down in the ground, covered and protected.
Where do you find pearls? Deep down at the bottom of the ocean, covered up and protected in a beautiful shell.
Where do you find gold? Way down in the mine, covered over with layers and layers of rock. You've got to work hard to get to them.”
“Your body is sacred. You’re far more precious than diamonds and pearls, and you should be covered too.” 

----Ali's advice to his daughters.

The test at ease~

You can see the real you during Ramadhan. That's what I get to know during our usrah. Which means, fasting month allowed you to fight with you ownself, not with Satan. That's when you can see the real inner you, good or bad. That's the real test Allah gave us, where nothing else to blame, not Satan, not other people, but ourself.

What about months other than Ramadhan? Of course there are tests that we face each day, which define our heart towards Allah, our iman in this religion. But when?

As for me, the test came during our most ease days. Like now. Where there are no classes, no books to read and memorize, no exams to be prep, nothing to worry about. And it feels great! And when the word great comes out of your mind, means, it's the time of the test. Now we can define, do we really remember Allah at the time of ease? Or is it during the time of difficult only?

We choose our behaviour towards our Creator. We love Him. We need Him. Always. Continuously. It's not a wave. It's constant. That's how it should be. 

Astaghfirullah.. Allah, please forgive me. Forgive my sins, my wrongdoings. I forgot when I'm at ease. Thank you Allah for your reminder. Alhamdulillah..

Remember self, 

-Never procrastinate your Solat time, as our time of death also do the same.

-Read Quran, everyday. At least 8 ayat, it's the healer for our contaminated heart.

-Tasbih,tahmid,Istighfar..For the tongue can be the beginner towards a cleaner heart.

-Read more books, watch more Islamic Kuliyyah..Brighten your heart and mind..

Alhamdulillah~

“Therefore remember Me. I will remember you. Be grateful to Me and never show Me ingratitude” – Al-Baqarah 2:152

Imperfection is perfect~

Life isn't perfect. So are you. Us. We'll never be perfect. But that's what human seeking for. Perfection. And it's sickening. Everyone keeps feeling hurts and depressed, thinking on how unfortunate themselves, how lacking they are.

I admit. I do feel the same way. Sometime. Or almost all the time. I keep chasing over things that I don't have. If I managed to get it, I'm more than happy. And if I didn't, I'll ended up punishing myself. And it's unhealthy, I know..

We should stop this tiring routine. This whole wanting thing, demanding things. We should just stop and accept things the way it is. The way it should be. Imperfection is the most perfect thing we can be. Accepting the imperfection is the key to find the inner peace, to live in ease. 

I know it's our nature to be demanding and all. We dreamed. We wanted it to be that way. But why don't we just be cool about it? Take it easy.. Not getting it doesn't mean you're a failure. There is other thing to be happy for.

I think, so far, I got one conclusion of why this whole 'wanna be perfect' things happened. I think, it's because of our "COMPARING" behaviour. Admit it. We were all always comparing ourself with others. We want to be better. We want to have what the others have. We want the same, but yet, still better than them. 

If she's clever, I wanna be excellent. If she's likeable, I wanna be lovable. Richer, hotter, thinner, popular, and so on. 

Don't you all see? It's tiring. Where you feel insecure about what you already have, is it enough, is it something that people will not laugh at, or smirk at. And in the mean time, you feel unhappy over things that you can't or don't have.

Let us all stop this unhealthy cycle. Start to love yourself. Accept everything. We all know how beautiful and amazing God's plan is. He knew what's best for us. Stop comparing ourself with others. And for the girls out there, and myself, stop gossiping about other's imperfections. Or perfections. It'll lead us to be some kind of a judgemental freak, and ended up entering those cycle of comparison..Don't!

Each night, be thankful for what you have. Appreciate it. And hope for a better tomorrow. Beauty comes from within. When you love yourself, when you feel good about everything around you, appreciate and love what you already have, it'll shine through your face.. 

K ladies? Be good to yourself~ :)

The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind the scenes with everyone else's highlight reel.---Steven Furtick

Self care mode activated~

Ok,hi there~

The exam is over.Long time ago..I mean,5 days ago.But it feels like forever.You know,when you have got nothing to do, a day feels like a week. Boring and dull..

These few days post exam, I spent my whole time with the girls.Laughing, watching movies, binging and so on.It's fun.And last night, we were having our sleep over. Us seven, cooking, eating, watch horror and thriller shows. What a day.. :)

And yes, this unproductive life really makes my brain slower. Inactive and dull. Except the joy of laughing out loud with the besties, everything seems slower. I need to pumped up my metabolism. I gained weight, my skin seems dull and unhealthy, my body become weaker, and my room is a mess. :(

So starting today, I need to start taking care of myself. Again. I've decided to just be the turtle under his shell. Not going anywhere, unless I am able to take a good care of myself. Pampering this body, skin, mind. I need a time for myself. Meditating, be more positive. Unplugging myself from others. Kept myself away from negativity. Only then, I'll go out, socializing again, attending the hospitals and so on. Before that, I need sometime alone..

We use alone time to process our relationships and recalibrate our sense of self. Solitude confirms that we’re more than the sum of our reactions to other people and encounters. In solitude, we return to center.

Wish me luck with my 'forever alone' mode.. ;)