Focus~

I'm tired. Using too much thought and thinking today. It's just too much I can't even find the answers that I'm looking for. 26th of February 2012, it's just me, doing things I shouldn't have done. But in the end, I did it. And now I'm covered with regrets and angers.

I need me. The one who were supposed to know how to think before act. The one who can see things beyond everything. The one who always consider consequences rather than temporary satisfaction. The only one who can control and love my mind, body, and soul.

I need to empower myself back on track. I'm way too far from the path I could've been taken. But I'm sure, it's never too late to get back on track. Stop putting yourself into too much unnecessary attentions. Believe in yourself. Focus on your goal. Focus on the result. Remember, follow your plan with full of disciplines and determination. Nothing is impossible.

Focus, determined, discipline.

Take it easy~

Two days classes, and I'm still floating in the air, still don't have the urge to put my feet on the ground, to walk towards the pathway I've been planning about for this final year of mine. There are times when it feels like I'm not really trying my best to start over. Am I too lazy, or this is just a normal starter?

My father used to said, "regret for wasted time, is more wasted time". That's completely true. I keep thinking about how should I perform during classes, what exactly should I do when I'm alone. I've already pushed myself too hard, and I ended up doing nothing.

I just realized this morning. I should take it easy. Because for sure, by time, I'll start to get everything, slowly, one by one. I need to relax. Relaxing my mind, body, and soul. My body has it own capacity. And so my mind. I need them to reach my goal this year. Don't you think I should pay more attention on them, rather than keep strangling them to do beyond their limit?

Take it easy. InsyaAllah, everything will be fine in a calmer way.

" Life should be touched. Not strangled. You've got to relax, let it happen at times, and at others, move forward with it. "
---Ray Bradbury

It's today~

I'm 55 minutes away from my first class. A little bit nervous actually. Absent for a week was enough to make me feel empty when compared to others. Everyone seems excited. Seeing new cases, learning new terms and so on. Me too, for sure felt really excited. I can't wait to explore another episodes of extraordinary journey this year.

So, today, I'll come to class with my new goals, new passion, and spirit. Being humble is the key. Ask anyone who knows. Share things you understand. With my strong believe in Allah's help, I'll try my best to do better this year, fix everything that messed up in the last year, insyaAllah.

“Our mind is so caught up in comparison that it misses the actual quality of what it sees. We need to drop the comparing attitude to be able to see things as they are.”
---Nithyananda

Another beginning~

"I have always been delighted at the prospect of a new day, a fresh try, one more start, with perhaps a bit of magic waiting somewhere behind the morning."
---John Boyton Priestley

Another story during this new year of mine maybe? It's my final year, and of course I am desperately wanted it to be the most exciting story ever, before I headed my mind, body, and soul back to my beloved homeland.
I do suffered from deadly homesick disease right now. But as usual, it'll be fade away after a few days of classes and hanging out with friends. I cried thinking about how long this year might be, or how short it would be like last year. I do scared though. The spirit of struggling and striving hard was enough to make me feel the tiresome waiting ahead.
It's human's life. No pain, no gain. There'll be no end without the beginning. And we'll be nowhere if we didn't ever start.
So I'm gonna start my beautiful life as a 6th year medical student. It's the FINAL year, remember? So, blast everything out, sweat out all the hidden passion. Not every movement should be something visible. We could just started out slowly, one by one, full with patience and humble, plus the most important ingredient you should never forget, consistency.
I can see everyone do really excited in this final year. It's a super great news of course. Let us together move towards excellency. Amin...
Good luck~ :)

Hello final year!

Alhamdulillah... Thanks to The Almighty for giving me a chance to test the joy of victory within myself. And I cannot thank you enough for my family and friends who've always being there for me.
Sounds like an award speech. Yup, it's an award for myself. I may not be the one who's standing shiny within the crowds, holding the "EXCELLENT" title. But yes, I am completely satisfied with what I've achieved this time. As for me, finding my true self before heading to the world of working was such a big thankful miracle. I finally knew what I should and shouldn't do as a student, medical student, and what it takes to be an excellent doctor. The idea of respecting what you've already got is a must.
Next year, it'll be my final chance to perform my excellency.I must boost out my 100% energy to grab the missing excellent. For the past 4 years, it flew away where the possibilities to grab it back is so small to some extend, I was almost completely destructed inside. This year, I can see it's shadow, calling for me to catch it no matter what. But, shadow will always be a shadow, only visible, not touchable.
Well, next year, I'm sure it'll show itself. Right in front of me. All depends on me. Grab it or not.
Go for it TJ! InsyaAllah..

Hello Sabah!

I'm back to malaysia! Finalleh!
I was an inch beyond my "lively corpse" period, and poof! Finally I decided to go back to my "homesick caller" homeland. I miss my family so much, I can't wait to fly this Monday night! Wohooo!
Talking about how excited I am right now, I'm a little bit worried about our becoming adventure. Yesterday, and the night before yesterday, I mean, the situation was tensed. Blame Air Asia and MAS flight! Well, of course it might be my fault in the first place, sudden decision to go home during this super busy full holiday where everyone is flying home to celebrate Christmas Day. Yey to them! And of course, woes to me. Hurmm.
After a long long tiresome day in front of my laptop and talking on my phone, till at time, the battery might just explodes because of the long long discussion about our tickets, and yeah, finally me and Maya decided to take the flight back to Kota Kinabalu through Labuan. And yes, Labuan means, ferry! And yes, ferry during this monsoon? Allah please protect us from all those negative unwanted possibilities.
Anyway, the most important thing of course for us to land safely. And that indeed need prays. May Allah guide us, protect us from any unwanted harm along our way home. Amin.

p/s:too much foods already floating in my mind! Malaysian foods! Wait for me!

Rejected holiday~

Holiday. And I'm doing nothing. Frustrated. Too much plan, and not even one is going as it should be. And I end up sitting bluntly in front of my lappy, the whole day. Tiresome over this boredom.

Cancel the attachment. The thought of 4 weeks plain holidays, finally become worse when one my colleagues told us that these boring holiday might be longer because of the delayed exam results. Urghh! Another 5 weeks? Or 6 weeks? I might die out of boredom! Time, please fly faster!

Am I being ungrateful? Previously, my mind filled with the excitement of becoming holidays, but now? Hurmm...

"Follow me around. I don't care. If anybody wants to put a tail on me, go ahead. They'd be very bored."

----Gary Hart